Eight forty-five on a Friday night...and I'm angry. Earlier today (around 4pm) I called a friend I haven't seen in a couple of weeks and asked if he wanted to get together for Happy Hour. He said he was headed home and wouldn't be going out. It was no big deal. A few minutes later, he called again and said that he and another of our friends were getting together for a drink. I said, "Now?" and he replied, "Later." I explained that "later" would give me time to run home and let the dog out. (Don't panic, I'm dog-sitting until Sunday). I asked him to call me when they were meeting and he said he would.
Four hours later, I called Shane to see if he was still at school. He said that "everyone" was together and had been since around 5:00. When my friend finally called, he tried to make it my issue. Even after I reminded him that he had agreed to call when they were meeting, all he could say was, "Oh...I might have said that."
I'm upset because nobody bothered to call me. I'm upset because I waited for a call for 4 hours that never came. I'm upset because I know, without a doubt, if the shoe had been on the other foot, for ANY ONE of the people who fall into the "everyone" category, I would never hear the end of it. They would go to great lengths to remind me at every opportunity that they had been left out or forgotten about. I'm also upset because I know without a doubt that I would never let that happen. I have never let that happen. I always go out of my way to include everyone, especially my closest friends, in anything that comes along. Even though 98% of the time I know what their answer, or at least their follow through, will be, I always take the time to think about them and include them. I don't forget. And even if I don't immediately remember, I'm certainly reminded to call or invite them by others around me when they ask about a specific person. Shane and my friend are not alone tonight. In fact, I believe the "everyone" group tonight adds up to around 10 people.
So what does that say about me? That 10 people I consider friends, more than a few I consider close friends, would not even mention my name or inquire about me within a 4 hour period. Or that none of them would bother to call.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not egocentric. I know the world does not revolve around me, and I'm very glad that it doesn't. I'm not saying that I'm a better friend or that I'm a martyr. I'm not saying that in any 4 hour period, at least one of my friends must be thinking about me. That would be a little creepy and I would need to seek help. Yet I do believe that if a group of people who regularly get together and who enjoy each other's company notice that one of their number is missing; odds are that at least one of them is going to mention his name. I'm feeling very left out right now...and I think that's OK that I feel that way.
I'm the guy who finds himself doing all of the work in most of his friendships. I'm the guy who "always builds up and never tears down" the people in his life. I'm the guy who you can count on to be there for you when the chips are down. I'm the guy who won't get mad or make a scene when you've upset him.
I'm the guy who always takes it and never dishes it out.
I'm the guy in your life you can always count on for grace and mercy.
I'm the guy who is standing up for himself tonight and telling you that while all of those things may be true... you still have to consider my feelings. I deserve to be treated with the same respect and honesty that I show you. If you make a mistake or forge to call, don't ignore what's happened or put it back on me. Own up to it...take responsibility for it...apologize and mean it. That's the only way this friendship will continue.
Five minutes after nine and I'm still upset. I'm doubting the "depth" of the relationships in my life. I'm wondering why, even after explaining to my friends why I am upset, and knowing that I'm home alone...no one has called me yet.
