Ten days after my last post, I was asked the question I had been waiting for almost two years to hear.
Ten days after my last post, I was sitting at BB Rovers, discussing, crying, arguing, deciding, longing, and fearing the anticipation of what the future would bring.
Ten days after my last post, I enjoying a brisk Sunday night chill. I remember it well. I hope I never forget it. From the taste of light beer, to the sound of the band playing at "The Parrish" downtown, to the excitement of relationship, love, and future potential, when I close my eyes, I can remember it all.
And I smile.
I am thankful for that night and the many nights that followed.
I am grateful for the lessons learned and love lost.
I am honored to have been able to grow up in ways that I did not know I needed.
And I smile.
Today is a new day.
Today holds the potential for more.
Today promises greatness.
And I smile.
I am the keeper of my happiness.
I am the leader of my people.
I am the architect of my days.
And I smile.
Ten days from now, I will board a ship that promises relaxation and rest.
Ten days from now, I will forge new and deeper friendships with acquaintances.
Ten days from now, I will breathe easy in hopes of reconnecting with myself.
And I smile.
Father God, find me again.
Father God, remind me again.
Father God, guide me again.
Thursday
ok...here we go...
Something is beginning to change within me...something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
It's too late for second-guessing; too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap...
I'm through accepting limits...just because someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but until I try I'll never know.
For too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've already lost...
And if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.
It's time to try defying gravity...
You can't pull me down anymore.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
It's too late for second-guessing; too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap...
I'm through accepting limits...just because someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but until I try I'll never know.
For too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've already lost...
And if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.
It's time to try defying gravity...
You can't pull me down anymore.
Tuesday
...from the head to the heart.
Did you know that the Tin Woodman from the Wizard of Oz was actually born with a heart? We all from the movie how Dorothy and the Scarecrow come upon him and free him from a state of permanent "rust induced immobility" by using his oil can to first free his lips and then to free his spirit. But the movie doesn't tell us is that the Tin Woodman had once been a real man, who had once been in love with a beautiful Munchkin maiden. In the original fairy tale, the author explains how it was his dream to marry his true love, once he could save enough money to build them a cottage in the woods. The Wicked Witch hated his love and so she cast spells on him that would cause him injury, so that one by one, his limbs needed to be replaced with artificial ones made of tin. At first, this seemed to be an advantage; his mechanical arms allowing him to work like a machine. With a heart of love and arms that never tired, he found himself in a "win-win" situation.
"I thought I had beaten the Wicked Witch then, and I worked harder than ever, but I little knew how cruel my enemy could be. She thought of a new way to kill my love for the Munchkin maiden and made my axe slip again, so that it cut right through my body, splitting it in two halves. Once more the tinner came to my help making me a body of tin. Fastening my tin arms, and legs, and head to it, by means of joints so that I could move around as well as ever. But alas! I now had no heart, so that I lost my love for the Munchkin girl, and did not care whether I married her or not..."
"It was a terrible thing to undergo, but during the year I stood there I had time to think that the greatest loss I had ever known was the loss of my heart. While I was in love, I was the happiest man on earth; but no one can love who has not a heart, and so I am resolved to ask Oz to give me one. If he does, I will go back to the Munchkin maiden and marry her."
"Both Dorothy and the Scarecrow had been greatly interested in the story of the Tin Woodman, and now they knew why he was so anxious to get a new heart. "All the same," said the Scarecrow, "I shall ask for brains instead of a heart; for a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one." "I shall take the heart," replied the Tin Woodman, "for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world."
(L. Frank Baum, The Wizard of Oz)
The heart is central. Maybe God knows something we've forgotten.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Luke 12:34
All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.
Proverbs 21:2
Makes you wonder about all of the importance and relevance we place on intelligence, academic achievement, and aptitude. If we really want to take the measure of a man...maybe we shouldn't place so much importance on whats going on in his head...and take notice of whats going on 18 inches to the South.
"I thought I had beaten the Wicked Witch then, and I worked harder than ever, but I little knew how cruel my enemy could be. She thought of a new way to kill my love for the Munchkin maiden and made my axe slip again, so that it cut right through my body, splitting it in two halves. Once more the tinner came to my help making me a body of tin. Fastening my tin arms, and legs, and head to it, by means of joints so that I could move around as well as ever. But alas! I now had no heart, so that I lost my love for the Munchkin girl, and did not care whether I married her or not..."
"It was a terrible thing to undergo, but during the year I stood there I had time to think that the greatest loss I had ever known was the loss of my heart. While I was in love, I was the happiest man on earth; but no one can love who has not a heart, and so I am resolved to ask Oz to give me one. If he does, I will go back to the Munchkin maiden and marry her."
"Both Dorothy and the Scarecrow had been greatly interested in the story of the Tin Woodman, and now they knew why he was so anxious to get a new heart. "All the same," said the Scarecrow, "I shall ask for brains instead of a heart; for a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one." "I shall take the heart," replied the Tin Woodman, "for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world."
(L. Frank Baum, The Wizard of Oz)
The heart is central. Maybe God knows something we've forgotten.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Luke 12:34
All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.
Proverbs 21:2
Makes you wonder about all of the importance and relevance we place on intelligence, academic achievement, and aptitude. If we really want to take the measure of a man...maybe we shouldn't place so much importance on whats going on in his head...and take notice of whats going on 18 inches to the South.
Sunday
secret invasion...
Marvel comics is currently running a crossover called "Secret Invasion." The idea is to tie together all of the superheroes in the Marvel Universe with a common plot. They do this at least every couple of years with a small 3-4 month crossover, but this time I think the idea is to carry it through a full year. It's a great idea and makes for great writing.
Secret Invasion takes place on the premise that many years ago, a group of alien shape-shifters called "Skrulls" decided to replace certain and specific superheroes across the globe in a strategic effort to one day take over the earth. In recent months, the good guys have discovered this plot and are working to stop it. Each week, new heroes are revealed to be be Skrulls and the headline, "Who do you trust?" runs across at least 3 different titles. Each week, more and more of the characters you have come to love and believe in are revealed as aliens... and readers across the globe are shocked and amazed.
The thing I find interesting about this is the way the writers decided to make the infiltration happen. They created characters who are so dedicated to their race and the conquest of Earth, that many of the Skrull replacement heroes don't even realize that they are Skrulls until it's too late. The transformation of their physical and mental forms into that of the person they are replacing is so deep and so complete, that they themselves do not remember their former lives until they are awakened by the phrase, "He loves me." When it is spoken to a sleeper agent, he or she remembers everything and goes forward to do their part for the invasion. At this point in the story, the phrase is suggested to refer to the "first one" who is the foundation of the Skrull race, its religions, and its beliefs.
As Christians, I wonder how much like that we are at times...so deeply rooted in the traditions and beliefs that we have been exposed to since childhood that we have long forgotten those things which made us unique and different to begin with. How much of ourselves have we forgotten simply because we have been told by the church to act and to choose in a certain way.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that Christianity is a bad thing akin to a cult...
I'm not suggesting that listening to the suggestions of our pastors will brainwash us into blindly
making decisions which will demand for us to give up our free will.
I'm just saying that sometimes, I feel like an alien who doesn't really remember who he was created to be. Sometimes I think that there has to be more to following Christ than what the church says. Sometimes I long for a more pure, a more true, a more intimate relationship with the God who chose me. Sometimes I feel like I gave up my life for a cause I knew little about. I've spend many years talking to God and very few actually listening to him. I would like to hear, "He loves you." not because its what we are supposed to say to each other, or because it's the christian thing to do. I want to hear it because it's true. I want to hear it because it's real. I want to hear it because I want to wake up. I want to remember. I want to know. And I want to be truly thankful that the old has gone and the new has come.
Secret Invasion takes place on the premise that many years ago, a group of alien shape-shifters called "Skrulls" decided to replace certain and specific superheroes across the globe in a strategic effort to one day take over the earth. In recent months, the good guys have discovered this plot and are working to stop it. Each week, new heroes are revealed to be be Skrulls and the headline, "Who do you trust?" runs across at least 3 different titles. Each week, more and more of the characters you have come to love and believe in are revealed as aliens... and readers across the globe are shocked and amazed.
The thing I find interesting about this is the way the writers decided to make the infiltration happen. They created characters who are so dedicated to their race and the conquest of Earth, that many of the Skrull replacement heroes don't even realize that they are Skrulls until it's too late. The transformation of their physical and mental forms into that of the person they are replacing is so deep and so complete, that they themselves do not remember their former lives until they are awakened by the phrase, "He loves me." When it is spoken to a sleeper agent, he or she remembers everything and goes forward to do their part for the invasion. At this point in the story, the phrase is suggested to refer to the "first one" who is the foundation of the Skrull race, its religions, and its beliefs.
As Christians, I wonder how much like that we are at times...so deeply rooted in the traditions and beliefs that we have been exposed to since childhood that we have long forgotten those things which made us unique and different to begin with. How much of ourselves have we forgotten simply because we have been told by the church to act and to choose in a certain way.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that Christianity is a bad thing akin to a cult...
I'm not suggesting that listening to the suggestions of our pastors will brainwash us into blindly
making decisions which will demand for us to give up our free will.
I'm just saying that sometimes, I feel like an alien who doesn't really remember who he was created to be. Sometimes I think that there has to be more to following Christ than what the church says. Sometimes I long for a more pure, a more true, a more intimate relationship with the God who chose me. Sometimes I feel like I gave up my life for a cause I knew little about. I've spend many years talking to God and very few actually listening to him. I would like to hear, "He loves you." not because its what we are supposed to say to each other, or because it's the christian thing to do. I want to hear it because it's true. I want to hear it because it's real. I want to hear it because I want to wake up. I want to remember. I want to know. And I want to be truly thankful that the old has gone and the new has come.
Wednesday
time...the ultimate physician
Why is it that time is the only thing that can heal all wounds?
Why isn't there a pill...or a magic potion...or even a universal "phrase" or saying that would work to make things better instantly?
Shane thinks it's because if we had an instant fix, we wouldn't learn from our mistakes or hurts and we would be doomed to repeat them. I think that makes perfect sense...except for the fact that I end up repeating them anyway.
How many times are we faced with the same temptation again and again...and how many times do we fall for it?
I know that I shouldn't have that last cookie...but if I get up extra early tomorrow and run...
I know my budget is really tight this month...but it IS on sale...
I know he said he would be there for me...and when I have this surgery I'm sure he will stand behind his word...in fact, that's one of the things he prides himself on...doing what he says he will do.
But I sat alone all night in a hospital...waiting for a visit...hoping for a phone call...that never came.
At the moment, I'm recovering from a number of wounds...some much deeper than others.
Time will take care of the physical ones.
With the help of my God and my friends...I'm going to take care of the rest.
Why isn't there a pill...or a magic potion...or even a universal "phrase" or saying that would work to make things better instantly?
Shane thinks it's because if we had an instant fix, we wouldn't learn from our mistakes or hurts and we would be doomed to repeat them. I think that makes perfect sense...except for the fact that I end up repeating them anyway.
How many times are we faced with the same temptation again and again...and how many times do we fall for it?
I know that I shouldn't have that last cookie...but if I get up extra early tomorrow and run...
I know my budget is really tight this month...but it IS on sale...
I know he said he would be there for me...and when I have this surgery I'm sure he will stand behind his word...in fact, that's one of the things he prides himself on...doing what he says he will do.
But I sat alone all night in a hospital...waiting for a visit...hoping for a phone call...that never came.
At the moment, I'm recovering from a number of wounds...some much deeper than others.
Time will take care of the physical ones.
With the help of my God and my friends...I'm going to take care of the rest.
Tuesday
...past tense revisited
I saw love once. I saw it clear.
It had no leash. It had no fear.
It gave itself without a thought.
No reservation had it brought.
It seemed so free to demonstrate.
It seems obsessed to orchestrate,
A symphony designed to feed;
Composed to lift the one in need.
Concern for others was its goal.
No matter what would be the toll.
It's strange just how much care it stores;
to recognize it's neighbor's sores..
And doesn't rest until the day;
it's helped to take the sores away.
It's joy retains and does not run.
Until the blessing's job is done.
I knew love once. 'Twas not pretend.
It was my coach. It was my friend.
Swen Nader
It had no leash. It had no fear.
It gave itself without a thought.
No reservation had it brought.
It seemed so free to demonstrate.
It seems obsessed to orchestrate,
A symphony designed to feed;
Composed to lift the one in need.
Concern for others was its goal.
No matter what would be the toll.
It's strange just how much care it stores;
to recognize it's neighbor's sores..
And doesn't rest until the day;
it's helped to take the sores away.
It's joy retains and does not run.
Until the blessing's job is done.
I knew love once. 'Twas not pretend.
It was my coach. It was my friend.
Swen Nader
Sunday
in the land of the blind...
So I had this eye surgery last week and the stitches come out on Wednesday...lets just say I CAN"T WAIT!!! My left eye is about 30% sewn shut and it's driving me crazy.
It doesn't hurt...it's just annoying.
The good news is that, once the stitches come out, all should be well. The bad news is that, just because my eye is fixed, it doesn't mean that everything else is.
But I'm working on it.
They say that in the land of the blind...the one eyed man is king. They also say that "It's good to be king."
I guess whoever said that lost sight of the beauty of the kingdom over which he ruled... or maybe he just thought he ruled over a kingdom...when in reality, no kingdom existed.
I'm thankful to have my eyesight and to know that time will heal all wounds.
Just keep reminding me of that as I take the patch from my eye...and move it to my heart.
It doesn't hurt...it's just annoying.
The good news is that, once the stitches come out, all should be well. The bad news is that, just because my eye is fixed, it doesn't mean that everything else is.
But I'm working on it.
They say that in the land of the blind...the one eyed man is king. They also say that "It's good to be king."
I guess whoever said that lost sight of the beauty of the kingdom over which he ruled... or maybe he just thought he ruled over a kingdom...when in reality, no kingdom existed.
I'm thankful to have my eyesight and to know that time will heal all wounds.
Just keep reminding me of that as I take the patch from my eye...and move it to my heart.
Thursday
Day 1...
Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
I have...egg-shells.
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
It's easy to convince ourselves that things will get better.
You can't live this way too long.
It's not living at all...just existing.
There's more than this, more than this.
And I've been wasting it by giving myself away.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Standing doesn't happen when I'm on my feet...It comes when I'm on my knees.
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
I've looked too hard and didn't see that it was right in front of me.
Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
It's amazing to realize how much I am willing to pay for what I don't really need.
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
Facing the truth is never easy...and rarely is it pretty.
It will be gone, forever gone.It will be gone, it will be gone.
Are you carrying the weight too much?
Why can't I learn to just put it down and walk away? Pride? Stubbornness? Or is carrying the weight where I find my worth?
Are you running from the call?
As long as I run, I don't have to face the truth...and that means I don't have to face the fact that I might have been wrong.
I have...egg-shells.
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
It's easy to convince ourselves that things will get better.
You can't live this way too long.
It's not living at all...just existing.
There's more than this, more than this.
And I've been wasting it by giving myself away.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Standing doesn't happen when I'm on my feet...It comes when I'm on my knees.
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
I've looked too hard and didn't see that it was right in front of me.
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest, you will find rest.
Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
It's amazing to realize how much I am willing to pay for what I don't really need.
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
Facing the truth is never easy...and rarely is it pretty.
It will be gone, forever gone.It will be gone, it will be gone.
Are you carrying the weight too much?
Why can't I learn to just put it down and walk away? Pride? Stubbornness? Or is carrying the weight where I find my worth?
Are you running from the call?
As long as I run, I don't have to face the truth...and that means I don't have to face the fact that I might have been wrong.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.
Monday
wonder twin powers...activate!!
Remember the Wonder twins? They were my favorite part of the Superfriends cartoon on Saturday mornings...that is until the new, new Superfriends showed up and made the show politically correct. Apache Chief could say a magic word and grow to 50 ft tall. Black Vulcan could make lightning bolts into handcuffs and spears. Samurai could turn invisible and turn into a tornado. Cool stuff...which got me to thinking...
Do you think that Superman was ever jealous of Aquaman? Now bear with me for a minute...
Sure it's cool to be invulnerable, super-strong, fast, and able to fly...but what good does all that do underwater? I mean, superman has heat-vision, but Aquaman can talk to fish...and not just fish, but ANY underwater creatures. Yeah, yeah...I know the grass is always greener... And common sense would tell us that Aquaman was somewhat jealous of Superman...but why couldn't it be the other way around? It makes sense to me.
You see, I'm finding myself in a similar situation. I'm not really convinced that I'm living the life of the person I want to be. I may be acting like superman, but I long to be Aquaman. I want to be able to let go of the labels and limits that I've worked for years to place on myself and somehow come to default too. I have the ability inside of me, I just always remember to use it in hindsight... after I've gone the other direction. And it's not necessarily that my choices are bad or good...they just aren't always the ones I really want to make and when push comes to shove, I tend to sacrifice myself for the greater good. I stand in front of the bullets to protect those I care about. I stand up to injustice for those who work for me. I subconsciously process decisions based on what I believe others want or need for me to do, and I act for the greater good. And once again I find myself drowning in a sea of my own making. A superman in all the ways that matter to the world around me...even those which leave me ineffective and insincere underwater.
I wish I were Aquaman....but for now, I'm not. So I'll do my best to remember something I heard a long time ago... You don't drown from falling in the water; you drown from staying there.
Do you think that Superman was ever jealous of Aquaman? Now bear with me for a minute...
Sure it's cool to be invulnerable, super-strong, fast, and able to fly...but what good does all that do underwater? I mean, superman has heat-vision, but Aquaman can talk to fish...and not just fish, but ANY underwater creatures. Yeah, yeah...I know the grass is always greener... And common sense would tell us that Aquaman was somewhat jealous of Superman...but why couldn't it be the other way around? It makes sense to me.
You see, I'm finding myself in a similar situation. I'm not really convinced that I'm living the life of the person I want to be. I may be acting like superman, but I long to be Aquaman. I want to be able to let go of the labels and limits that I've worked for years to place on myself and somehow come to default too. I have the ability inside of me, I just always remember to use it in hindsight... after I've gone the other direction. And it's not necessarily that my choices are bad or good...they just aren't always the ones I really want to make and when push comes to shove, I tend to sacrifice myself for the greater good. I stand in front of the bullets to protect those I care about. I stand up to injustice for those who work for me. I subconsciously process decisions based on what I believe others want or need for me to do, and I act for the greater good. And once again I find myself drowning in a sea of my own making. A superman in all the ways that matter to the world around me...even those which leave me ineffective and insincere underwater.
I wish I were Aquaman....but for now, I'm not. So I'll do my best to remember something I heard a long time ago... You don't drown from falling in the water; you drown from staying there.
Friday
depth and complexity...
Eight forty-five on a Friday night...and I'm angry. Earlier today (around 4pm) I called a friend I haven't seen in a couple of weeks and asked if he wanted to get together for Happy Hour. He said he was headed home and wouldn't be going out. It was no big deal. A few minutes later, he called again and said that he and another of our friends were getting together for a drink. I said, "Now?" and he replied, "Later." I explained that "later" would give me time to run home and let the dog out. (Don't panic, I'm dog-sitting until Sunday). I asked him to call me when they were meeting and he said he would.
Four hours later, I called Shane to see if he was still at school. He said that "everyone" was together and had been since around 5:00. When my friend finally called, he tried to make it my issue. Even after I reminded him that he had agreed to call when they were meeting, all he could say was, "Oh...I might have said that."
I'm upset because nobody bothered to call me. I'm upset because I waited for a call for 4 hours that never came. I'm upset because I know, without a doubt, if the shoe had been on the other foot, for ANY ONE of the people who fall into the "everyone" category, I would never hear the end of it. They would go to great lengths to remind me at every opportunity that they had been left out or forgotten about. I'm also upset because I know without a doubt that I would never let that happen. I have never let that happen. I always go out of my way to include everyone, especially my closest friends, in anything that comes along. Even though 98% of the time I know what their answer, or at least their follow through, will be, I always take the time to think about them and include them. I don't forget. And even if I don't immediately remember, I'm certainly reminded to call or invite them by others around me when they ask about a specific person. Shane and my friend are not alone tonight. In fact, I believe the "everyone" group tonight adds up to around 10 people.
So what does that say about me? That 10 people I consider friends, more than a few I consider close friends, would not even mention my name or inquire about me within a 4 hour period. Or that none of them would bother to call.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not egocentric. I know the world does not revolve around me, and I'm very glad that it doesn't. I'm not saying that I'm a better friend or that I'm a martyr. I'm not saying that in any 4 hour period, at least one of my friends must be thinking about me. That would be a little creepy and I would need to seek help. Yet I do believe that if a group of people who regularly get together and who enjoy each other's company notice that one of their number is missing; odds are that at least one of them is going to mention his name. I'm feeling very left out right now...and I think that's OK that I feel that way.
I'm the guy who finds himself doing all of the work in most of his friendships. I'm the guy who "always builds up and never tears down" the people in his life. I'm the guy who you can count on to be there for you when the chips are down. I'm the guy who won't get mad or make a scene when you've upset him.
I'm the guy who always takes it and never dishes it out.
I'm the guy in your life you can always count on for grace and mercy.
I'm the guy who is standing up for himself tonight and telling you that while all of those things may be true... you still have to consider my feelings. I deserve to be treated with the same respect and honesty that I show you. If you make a mistake or forge to call, don't ignore what's happened or put it back on me. Own up to it...take responsibility for it...apologize and mean it. That's the only way this friendship will continue.
Five minutes after nine and I'm still upset. I'm doubting the "depth" of the relationships in my life. I'm wondering why, even after explaining to my friends why I am upset, and knowing that I'm home alone...no one has called me yet.
Four hours later, I called Shane to see if he was still at school. He said that "everyone" was together and had been since around 5:00. When my friend finally called, he tried to make it my issue. Even after I reminded him that he had agreed to call when they were meeting, all he could say was, "Oh...I might have said that."
I'm upset because nobody bothered to call me. I'm upset because I waited for a call for 4 hours that never came. I'm upset because I know, without a doubt, if the shoe had been on the other foot, for ANY ONE of the people who fall into the "everyone" category, I would never hear the end of it. They would go to great lengths to remind me at every opportunity that they had been left out or forgotten about. I'm also upset because I know without a doubt that I would never let that happen. I have never let that happen. I always go out of my way to include everyone, especially my closest friends, in anything that comes along. Even though 98% of the time I know what their answer, or at least their follow through, will be, I always take the time to think about them and include them. I don't forget. And even if I don't immediately remember, I'm certainly reminded to call or invite them by others around me when they ask about a specific person. Shane and my friend are not alone tonight. In fact, I believe the "everyone" group tonight adds up to around 10 people.
So what does that say about me? That 10 people I consider friends, more than a few I consider close friends, would not even mention my name or inquire about me within a 4 hour period. Or that none of them would bother to call.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not egocentric. I know the world does not revolve around me, and I'm very glad that it doesn't. I'm not saying that I'm a better friend or that I'm a martyr. I'm not saying that in any 4 hour period, at least one of my friends must be thinking about me. That would be a little creepy and I would need to seek help. Yet I do believe that if a group of people who regularly get together and who enjoy each other's company notice that one of their number is missing; odds are that at least one of them is going to mention his name. I'm feeling very left out right now...and I think that's OK that I feel that way.
I'm the guy who finds himself doing all of the work in most of his friendships. I'm the guy who "always builds up and never tears down" the people in his life. I'm the guy who you can count on to be there for you when the chips are down. I'm the guy who won't get mad or make a scene when you've upset him.
I'm the guy who always takes it and never dishes it out.
I'm the guy in your life you can always count on for grace and mercy.
I'm the guy who is standing up for himself tonight and telling you that while all of those things may be true... you still have to consider my feelings. I deserve to be treated with the same respect and honesty that I show you. If you make a mistake or forge to call, don't ignore what's happened or put it back on me. Own up to it...take responsibility for it...apologize and mean it. That's the only way this friendship will continue.
Five minutes after nine and I'm still upset. I'm doubting the "depth" of the relationships in my life. I'm wondering why, even after explaining to my friends why I am upset, and knowing that I'm home alone...no one has called me yet.
Monday
football practice...
I'm sitting at my desk on a cold, rainy Monday wishing I had something inspiring to say....but I don't. I'm currently reading the biography of Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy titled, "Quiet Strength." It's really an amazing book about faith, principles, and practices of a life lived for Christ. Coach Dungy is a remarkable man and even if you don't like football at all, I recommend that you read the book. In fact, it's not about football but about putting God first in everything that you do. He's the kind of man I want to be.
The thing I most hope to take away from this book is the practice part. Coach Dungy says that it's the "uncommon" man who makes a difference. And to be uncommon, you have to focus on what God is calling you to do and practice toward a goal in that direction...use your faith to push you to act. I have the faith piece down pat, but I don't always put that faith into practice. I almost always take the easy way out and settle for "common" success. And to that end I'm living proof that common doesn't set you apart. I have no doubt that 99% of the people I meet like me. I also have no doubt that less than 1% of them truly respect me. I don't know that I make a difference with them...and that truly makes me sad. I should be pushing them toward Christ and his grace...but instead, I settle for letting them be common...because that's where I find myself.
I want to be able to make the hard choices when I know they are right and even when I only have my faith to back them up. I would rather fail on the side of trying than to succeed on just getting by. (If you don't really understand that last sentence, that's OK...I understand it.) I want to be a good man. I want to be a strong man. I want to be a faithful man. I want to live for Christ and stop living for myself. I want to live for Christ and stop living for success. I want to live for Christ and stop living for my friends. I want to be uncommon and I want to do it for the one whose grace has freed me.
The thing I most hope to take away from this book is the practice part. Coach Dungy says that it's the "uncommon" man who makes a difference. And to be uncommon, you have to focus on what God is calling you to do and practice toward a goal in that direction...use your faith to push you to act. I have the faith piece down pat, but I don't always put that faith into practice. I almost always take the easy way out and settle for "common" success. And to that end I'm living proof that common doesn't set you apart. I have no doubt that 99% of the people I meet like me. I also have no doubt that less than 1% of them truly respect me. I don't know that I make a difference with them...and that truly makes me sad. I should be pushing them toward Christ and his grace...but instead, I settle for letting them be common...because that's where I find myself.
I want to be able to make the hard choices when I know they are right and even when I only have my faith to back them up. I would rather fail on the side of trying than to succeed on just getting by. (If you don't really understand that last sentence, that's OK...I understand it.) I want to be a good man. I want to be a strong man. I want to be a faithful man. I want to live for Christ and stop living for myself. I want to live for Christ and stop living for success. I want to live for Christ and stop living for my friends. I want to be uncommon and I want to do it for the one whose grace has freed me.
When you do the common things of life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
George Washington Carver
Tuesday
...follow the leader?
Pop Quiz
Which of the following words holds the key to the entire verse? (no pun intended)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6
I was reading this verse today and something that I had never noticed about it before finally made sense to me. One word smack-dab in the middle clarifies the entire sentiment; the word "follow."
What a surprising place to find God...behind me. That's not where I think he should be. He should be ahead of me clearing a path. I mean let's face it, humans are not in the habit of looking back. To be successful, we focus on forward. We can't be "great" if we're always looking for good... right?
I'm supposed to pray for God's help and expect him to do some great intervening BEFORE I put myself into a situation that I know is not right for me.
I've been trained to speak the name of Christ, believing that he will jump IN FRONT of a crisis and take the brunt of the unpleasantness for me.
I just have to call on Jesus PRIOR to a meeting or confrontation and I can be sure that whatever comes out of my mouth will be "spirit-led" and right for everyone.
Nowhere in the 23rd Psalm does David say that goodness and mercy will LEAD me all the days of my life...yet that is what I expect...that is what I want...that is what I demand. And that is precisely what I am not given.
He FOLLOWS me with goodness and mercy...
to cover my mistakes,
to give peace to my fears,
to pull me out of the depths of despair,
to provide a witness to my efforts.
He FOLLOWS me with goodness and mercy...
so that my human-ness is not the last impression,
so that my weakness is not the final factor,
so that my strength is not the foundation of success.
My heavenly father pursues me not to protect my heart, but to redeem it...
not to be the author of my faith, but the finisher of it as well.
And when (not if) I fall, there is no place I would rather him be than behind me...to catch me...to hold me...and to clean-up my "greatness" with his goodness.
Monday
...it's about time.
So I bought a new watch yesterday. I've wanted a digital one for a while...one with a timer. I looked at all of the Timex styles and never really found one that I felt comfortable with. I was about to give up, when I walked around to the other side of the display and found the Coleman section. All watches, $19.99. And besides being about half the price of the others, they have more features and options than the Timex brand.
Anyway...I wanted the watch so I could "redo" the 60/60 challenge that our church went through a couple of years ago. Incidentally,the 60/60 challenge is based on the "Living Life 30 minutes at a time" challenge that our church did five years ago.
Either way, the purpose of the challenge is to set the timer on your watch for 60 minutes, pray, and begin. When the alarm goes off one hour later, you are supposed to take a minute to reflect on how you used the last hour of your life; what you did, what you said, what kind of attitude you displayed; etc. It's really a great way for me to remind myself of what is really important in life...and of what I chose to make important for a period of time which I will never re-coup.
I've thought about "time" a couple of times today (like right now). My friend told us yesterday that a guy she taught with for over 20 years finally retired last May; and was diagnosed with terminal cancer in July. No warning signs or anything. Just a checkup that ends with the best estimate of the number of WEEKS you might have left. What a wake-up call. I can't even begin to imagine what is going through his mind.
I spoke with a friend last night about our relationship and made the comment that in the last six months we have been friends, there may have been three good weeks when we weren't fighting about something or not talking to each other. What kind of relationship is that? We decided that we loved and respected each other too much to keep getting in the way of the other person's life, so we are going our separate ways. I don't regret the relationship at all, and I even believe that someday, when we look back on all of this "stuff", we won't even remember why we we fought in the first place.
So my friends let me ask you....What do you think of time? Do you use it wisely? Do you fear it? Do you look back on it with regret?
We're all familiar with the first eight verses in Ecclesiastes:3...about how there is a time for everything that happens on the earth. But how many of us have ever bothered to read the next part? Verses 9-13.
I don't think I have ever really noticed the next five verses until today...and what they said really threw me for a loop. I think its about time you noticed them too.
Anyway...I wanted the watch so I could "redo" the 60/60 challenge that our church went through a couple of years ago. Incidentally,the 60/60 challenge is based on the "Living Life 30 minutes at a time" challenge that our church did five years ago.
Either way, the purpose of the challenge is to set the timer on your watch for 60 minutes, pray, and begin. When the alarm goes off one hour later, you are supposed to take a minute to reflect on how you used the last hour of your life; what you did, what you said, what kind of attitude you displayed; etc. It's really a great way for me to remind myself of what is really important in life...and of what I chose to make important for a period of time which I will never re-coup.
I've thought about "time" a couple of times today (like right now). My friend told us yesterday that a guy she taught with for over 20 years finally retired last May; and was diagnosed with terminal cancer in July. No warning signs or anything. Just a checkup that ends with the best estimate of the number of WEEKS you might have left. What a wake-up call. I can't even begin to imagine what is going through his mind.
I spoke with a friend last night about our relationship and made the comment that in the last six months we have been friends, there may have been three good weeks when we weren't fighting about something or not talking to each other. What kind of relationship is that? We decided that we loved and respected each other too much to keep getting in the way of the other person's life, so we are going our separate ways. I don't regret the relationship at all, and I even believe that someday, when we look back on all of this "stuff", we won't even remember why we we fought in the first place.
So my friends let me ask you....What do you think of time? Do you use it wisely? Do you fear it? Do you look back on it with regret?
We're all familiar with the first eight verses in Ecclesiastes:3...about how there is a time for everything that happens on the earth. But how many of us have ever bothered to read the next part? Verses 9-13.
I don't think I have ever really noticed the next five verses until today...and what they said really threw me for a loop. I think its about time you noticed them too.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
Verses 9-13
But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.
Tuesday
thinking about settling down...
I've been thinking a lot lately about what determines my success. This month I paid off my Jeep (3 months early) and created a new budget with a definite goal in mind. I want to be debt free and have a specific amount in savings by July 25. The goal is attainable and I'm already off to a great start. So if I reach the goal, does that make me successful. What if I only attain part of the goal and get out of debt? What if I completely fail and don't reach the goal at all?
There are several reasons for my goal-setting...not the least of which is being faithful with what I have been given. In fact, truth be told, being a good steward of what I have been trusted with is the main reason that I want to accomplish my goal. I've wasted almost everything in my possession; time, money, relationships...you name it, I've mishandled it. God has been trying for a while now to get me to acknowledge that I have excedingly more than I need and that I never give him credit for what I have. I've buried his talents and that's not good. So I'm going to stop avoiding his urging and finally listen to his voice. Please pray for me in this venture and remind and encourage me to be successful in my goals.
I've been trying to explain the hows and whys of my direction to a friend of mine, and I'm not sure he understands. In fact, his questioning of my goal and motives has made me search myself a lot more deeply than I had intended to do. Through our discussions recently, I've determined that he and I have completely different ideas of what it means to be successful. Now I'm not talking about right and wrong or even good or bad, just how we each define the end result of a life lived.
He asked me if I ever planned to "settle down and live in the moment"...and he has a point. I thought for a minute about what that question meant to me. Does that mean having a family? Maybe I should have been happy with one of the guys I've dated, overlooked his flaws and issues, happily accepted his baggage, and tried to just adjust to a life with him. What about a successful career that I enjoy? I loved teaching Middle School Math, but being an administrator at the Elementary Level means a lot more money and acclaim. Shouldn't I at least have a house of my own by now? Maybe I would be tied down to one place, but how often do I really move from one city to another?
To a lot of people, it seems that I'm always changing and focused on things ahead of me. And I would agree with that statement. I do seem to always be headed toward bigger and better things and at times I've wondered if that way of going through life has cost me something that I've not really begun to miss yet. I was questioning that tonight as we discussed what I would do once my goal had been reached...and that's when I realized the key word in his question. The one word that I think we can all agree never HAS and by the grace of God never WILL describe me. The one word in his honest and sincere question that will never be used as an adjective for me or my character. The word settle.
I cannot recall a time in my life when I have EVER really settled for something that I didn't believe was right for me. Have I made mistakes and lived in them un-apologetically... absolutely, but I've always worked through them to make them right. Have I compromised myself in all areas for (what I considered to be) the sake of another...without a doubt, but I've eventually reconciled this with Christ and made the hard choice to walk away from an unhealthy situation. Do I find myself in circumstances that are neither good nor spiritually nurturing...more times than not, but I never allow myself to stay there. I've done a lot of things in my life so far; some that I'm extremely proud to own and others that I pray only God and I will ever have to discuss. But the one thing that I get a lot of flack(and a lot of praise) for is that I have never settled.
I have been given ONE life, and I ALONE can determine whether or not it is a success. With Christ as my compass and yardstick, I will do my best to honor him and enjoy the time he has given me. To live my life to any measure less than "the fullest" would be the complete opposite of success. I will know success when I hear my father speak the two words that keep me moving forward remind me of why I will never settle..."well done." I vow to my Lord and Savior and to each of you reading this that although I may fail, I will do my best to honor what I have been given and to keep moving toward what he has for me to do...and I can say with all confidence, that means I will never settle!!
There are several reasons for my goal-setting...not the least of which is being faithful with what I have been given. In fact, truth be told, being a good steward of what I have been trusted with is the main reason that I want to accomplish my goal. I've wasted almost everything in my possession; time, money, relationships...you name it, I've mishandled it. God has been trying for a while now to get me to acknowledge that I have excedingly more than I need and that I never give him credit for what I have. I've buried his talents and that's not good. So I'm going to stop avoiding his urging and finally listen to his voice. Please pray for me in this venture and remind and encourage me to be successful in my goals.
I've been trying to explain the hows and whys of my direction to a friend of mine, and I'm not sure he understands. In fact, his questioning of my goal and motives has made me search myself a lot more deeply than I had intended to do. Through our discussions recently, I've determined that he and I have completely different ideas of what it means to be successful. Now I'm not talking about right and wrong or even good or bad, just how we each define the end result of a life lived.
He asked me if I ever planned to "settle down and live in the moment"...and he has a point. I thought for a minute about what that question meant to me. Does that mean having a family? Maybe I should have been happy with one of the guys I've dated, overlooked his flaws and issues, happily accepted his baggage, and tried to just adjust to a life with him. What about a successful career that I enjoy? I loved teaching Middle School Math, but being an administrator at the Elementary Level means a lot more money and acclaim. Shouldn't I at least have a house of my own by now? Maybe I would be tied down to one place, but how often do I really move from one city to another?
To a lot of people, it seems that I'm always changing and focused on things ahead of me. And I would agree with that statement. I do seem to always be headed toward bigger and better things and at times I've wondered if that way of going through life has cost me something that I've not really begun to miss yet. I was questioning that tonight as we discussed what I would do once my goal had been reached...and that's when I realized the key word in his question. The one word that I think we can all agree never HAS and by the grace of God never WILL describe me. The one word in his honest and sincere question that will never be used as an adjective for me or my character. The word settle.
I cannot recall a time in my life when I have EVER really settled for something that I didn't believe was right for me. Have I made mistakes and lived in them un-apologetically... absolutely, but I've always worked through them to make them right. Have I compromised myself in all areas for (what I considered to be) the sake of another...without a doubt, but I've eventually reconciled this with Christ and made the hard choice to walk away from an unhealthy situation. Do I find myself in circumstances that are neither good nor spiritually nurturing...more times than not, but I never allow myself to stay there. I've done a lot of things in my life so far; some that I'm extremely proud to own and others that I pray only God and I will ever have to discuss. But the one thing that I get a lot of flack(and a lot of praise) for is that I have never settled.
I have been given ONE life, and I ALONE can determine whether or not it is a success. With Christ as my compass and yardstick, I will do my best to honor him and enjoy the time he has given me. To live my life to any measure less than "the fullest" would be the complete opposite of success. I will know success when I hear my father speak the two words that keep me moving forward remind me of why I will never settle..."well done." I vow to my Lord and Savior and to each of you reading this that although I may fail, I will do my best to honor what I have been given and to keep moving toward what he has for me to do...and I can say with all confidence, that means I will never settle!!
Give me a mission if I've still got the time,
Cause I'm open,Yeah I'm open!
Be my vision and I'll be your delight,
Cause I'm going wherever you're going!
Point of Grace "Day by Day"
Settling for Saul...
Have you ever stopped to think about or notice the similarities between Saul and David?
[1 and 2 Samuel]
Both were chosen by God to be King of Israel.
Both stood out in a crowd…though for different reasons.
Both were called and Anointed by God’s judge Samuel.
Both listened to God.
Both disobeyed God.
Both continued to communicate with God after they fell.
And still...
One was given complete grace and called “a man after God’s own heart”…while the other was cursed by God and utterly abandoned.
One spared the lives of people he had set out to kill, and was cursed… while the other committed both adultery and murder, yet was blessed.
Doesn’t seem quite fair does it?
Why would God favor one who showed mercy to his enemies over another who would kill to hide the truth? Why would he forgive murder, and turn his back on compassion?
The answer is simple...it all boils down to how they responded to God.
Saul chose to listen to God, BUT acted out fear. He lived his life concerned with how others viewed him and his leadership….afraid of “not being liked or respected by others.” His choices were made based on earthly standards and societal views.
David chose to listen to God THEN acted out of respect. He made mistakes in his life, and knew that God was to be obeyed in spite of how others would view him. His choices ultimately led him to repent of his sin and show remorse for what he had done.
What about you? How do you respond to God…BUT or THEN?
Does Christ view you more as a David or a Saul?
Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?
[1 and 2 Samuel]
Both were chosen by God to be King of Israel.
Both stood out in a crowd…though for different reasons.
Both were called and Anointed by God’s judge Samuel.
Both listened to God.
Both disobeyed God.
Both continued to communicate with God after they fell.
And still...
One was given complete grace and called “a man after God’s own heart”…while the other was cursed by God and utterly abandoned.
One spared the lives of people he had set out to kill, and was cursed… while the other committed both adultery and murder, yet was blessed.
Doesn’t seem quite fair does it?
Why would God favor one who showed mercy to his enemies over another who would kill to hide the truth? Why would he forgive murder, and turn his back on compassion?
The answer is simple...it all boils down to how they responded to God.
Saul chose to listen to God, BUT acted out fear. He lived his life concerned with how others viewed him and his leadership….afraid of “not being liked or respected by others.” His choices were made based on earthly standards and societal views.
David chose to listen to God THEN acted out of respect. He made mistakes in his life, and knew that God was to be obeyed in spite of how others would view him. His choices ultimately led him to repent of his sin and show remorse for what he had done.
What about you? How do you respond to God…BUT or THEN?
Does Christ view you more as a David or a Saul?
Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?
Monday
...one thing leads to another.
Good and bad are not always mutually exclusive...are they?
What about the Stockholm Effect? Ever hear of a hostage who develops an attachment to his captor? In the early seventies, two ex-convicts held three women and a man hostage during a robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. They held them hostage for six days. When it was all over, the hostages actually defended the actions of their captors--two of the women even became engaged to the men who had held them and threatened their lives.
There are a variety of theories on this kind of phenomenon...
-emotional transference,
-misidentification of kindness,
-emotional damage on the part of the captive;
Perhaps on some level, all of these are true.
You want to hear my theory?
We all want romance. Love. Tenderness. Passion.
We want the adrenaline rush of the bad, and to still believe that good wins out over evil. That good people are incapable of doing bad things. Which we all know is a load of crap. "The hostage perceives what she misidentifies as small kindness from her captor...despite the ongoing terror."
I think good and bad often come wrapped in the same package. We just lean one direction or the other, depending on circumstances and personality. Sometimes good people do bad things, and more importantly...sometimes bad people will do good things.
Romans 7: 17-25
I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
What about the Stockholm Effect? Ever hear of a hostage who develops an attachment to his captor? In the early seventies, two ex-convicts held three women and a man hostage during a robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. They held them hostage for six days. When it was all over, the hostages actually defended the actions of their captors--two of the women even became engaged to the men who had held them and threatened their lives.
There are a variety of theories on this kind of phenomenon...
-emotional transference,
-misidentification of kindness,
-emotional damage on the part of the captive;
Perhaps on some level, all of these are true.
You want to hear my theory?
We all want romance. Love. Tenderness. Passion.
We want the adrenaline rush of the bad, and to still believe that good wins out over evil. That good people are incapable of doing bad things. Which we all know is a load of crap. "The hostage perceives what she misidentifies as small kindness from her captor...despite the ongoing terror."
I think good and bad often come wrapped in the same package. We just lean one direction or the other, depending on circumstances and personality. Sometimes good people do bad things, and more importantly...sometimes bad people will do good things.
Romans 7: 17-25
I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
Tuesday
Anyway...
I've been accused of being too open and honest about things. I'm usually the person who friends and family come to for advice or comfort during times of transition. I enjoy helping others and genuinely care about them. I always try to do the best that I can to support and encourage them in whatever situation they may find themselves. Lately though, the shoe has been on the other foot and I find myself needing support and encouragement.
I know that the people in my life genuinely care about me, but I think that most of them don't really know how to handle me when I need them to be there for me. It's not "normal" for me to ask for help and when I do, I think I catch people off guard...here's why.
I honestly try to do what is right and I truly try to have nothing to hide...and most people don't know how to deal with that. I'm finding myself being told by several people that, because I don't' play the "politics" game at work, I am not going to ever get ahead. Because I try to be completely honest, I am often taken advantage of by others and I don't come across as a strong leader.
I've had to deal with those statements a lot recently...and they don't hurt any less coming from the people you love. So the question becomes...what do I do about it?
I'm going to remember the following...
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
I will love them anyway.
If I do good, people will accuse me of selfish ulterior motives.
I will do good anyway.
If I am successful, I will win false friends and true enemies.
I will succeed anyway.
The good that I do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
I will do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make me vulnerable.
I will be honest and frank anyway.
I know that the biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
I will think big anyway.
I realize that people favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
I will fight for the underdogs anyway.
What I spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
I will build anyway.
I will remember that people really do need help, but may attack me if I do help them.
I will help people anyway.
If I give the world the best I have, I may get kicked in the teeth.
I will give the world my best anyway.
I may not always succeed...but I'm going to keep on trying anyway.
I know that the people in my life genuinely care about me, but I think that most of them don't really know how to handle me when I need them to be there for me. It's not "normal" for me to ask for help and when I do, I think I catch people off guard...here's why.
I honestly try to do what is right and I truly try to have nothing to hide...and most people don't know how to deal with that. I'm finding myself being told by several people that, because I don't' play the "politics" game at work, I am not going to ever get ahead. Because I try to be completely honest, I am often taken advantage of by others and I don't come across as a strong leader.
I've had to deal with those statements a lot recently...and they don't hurt any less coming from the people you love. So the question becomes...what do I do about it?
I'm going to remember the following...
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
I will love them anyway.
If I do good, people will accuse me of selfish ulterior motives.
I will do good anyway.
If I am successful, I will win false friends and true enemies.
I will succeed anyway.
The good that I do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
I will do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make me vulnerable.
I will be honest and frank anyway.
I know that the biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
I will think big anyway.
I realize that people favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
I will fight for the underdogs anyway.
What I spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
I will build anyway.
I will remember that people really do need help, but may attack me if I do help them.
I will help people anyway.
If I give the world the best I have, I may get kicked in the teeth.
I will give the world my best anyway.
I may not always succeed...but I'm going to keep on trying anyway.
Monday
unconditional...
Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'.
Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication:
unconditional dedication refers to an act of the will without regard to feelings (for example; a person may consider they have a duty to stay with a person);
unconditional love is an act of the feelings in spite of will.
Unconditional love of self is the concept of loving yourself regardless of external conditions. This includes not denying yourself or your feelings in favor of others. Ultimately, a person will have to move away from others who do not love them without condition. Unconditional love of self is considered the foundation for unconditional love. Once a person is able to love themself without condition then they will be able to love others without condition.
For many People this is not very easy to understand. Probably because people have used the term to demand more love from a person then possible for that person to give. And when the person in demand was unable to fulfill the expectations of the other they were accused of not loving without condition. This is a false definition. It is impossible to define unconditional self love or unconditional love when people put expectations on it that can ultimately end up in disappointment. Here's why:
1. "Loving is sharing and not demanding."
2."When two people argue, That is self love."
Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication:
unconditional dedication refers to an act of the will without regard to feelings (for example; a person may consider they have a duty to stay with a person);
unconditional love is an act of the feelings in spite of will.
Unconditional love of self is the concept of loving yourself regardless of external conditions. This includes not denying yourself or your feelings in favor of others. Ultimately, a person will have to move away from others who do not love them without condition. Unconditional love of self is considered the foundation for unconditional love. Once a person is able to love themself without condition then they will be able to love others without condition.
For many People this is not very easy to understand. Probably because people have used the term to demand more love from a person then possible for that person to give. And when the person in demand was unable to fulfill the expectations of the other they were accused of not loving without condition. This is a false definition. It is impossible to define unconditional self love or unconditional love when people put expectations on it that can ultimately end up in disappointment. Here's why:
1. "Loving is sharing and not demanding."
2."When two people argue, That is self love."
Saturday
a modern day Rahab...
Rahab was a woman who demonstrated great faith, to the salvation of herself and her family. She sheltered God's people and risked her life to protect his spies in Caanan. She was so greatly blessed and shown favor by God, that she is named in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. Listed in his lineage, she is known simply as Rahab, the mother of Boaz who married Ruth. Yet how do we remember her today? What words inevitably and always follow her name as a constant reminder of the compromises she made?
In the story of Rahab, she is referred to over and over not by her name, but by her profession…as a prostitute. Why does the Lord give her grace, yet choose to remind us of that fact? Numbers 32:23 says "......be sure your sin will find you out". In God's eyes, being a prostitute is a sin, and even though Rahab was greatly blessed by God, she is first known as Rahab the prostitute.
I wonder, with the choices I have made...the positions I've willingly and to be honest, gladly placed my self into, how will I be remembered? What descriptors will follow my name??
In the story of Rahab, she is referred to over and over not by her name, but by her profession…as a prostitute. Why does the Lord give her grace, yet choose to remind us of that fact? Numbers 32:23 says "......be sure your sin will find you out". In God's eyes, being a prostitute is a sin, and even though Rahab was greatly blessed by God, she is first known as Rahab the prostitute.
I wonder, with the choices I have made...the positions I've willingly and to be honest, gladly placed my self into, how will I be remembered? What descriptors will follow my name??
I could spend the next several paragraphs listing the compromises that I have made over the last few months...but let me paraphrase. I've compromised every aspect of my life in some way.
I compromised my job to spend time with someone I love. I compromised my feelings to protect a way of life that I can never be a part of. I compromised my emotions and grief to be a leader to my campus. I compromised my integrity to a family who opened their arms to me. I compromised my character by believing that I would "take whatever I could get" from someone who loves me, but isn't ready to be with me. I compromised friendships by pushing them away so I wouldn't have to explain the other compromises that I've made. But most of all, I compromised my witness as a christian by choosing the stuff of earth over the allegiance I owe only to the giver of all good things.
As I look back on how I've chosen to live, I'm truly amazed,not at how much it has cost me, but at how much I was willing to pay for what I considered happiness. It certainly isn't what Christ had in mind when he died for me. I've spent the last several months ignoring what matters most, because I thought that living without the person I love would be too great a price to pay. It's the only price that I focused on. I thought that, to show unconditional love required me to compromise what I wanted or needed in order for it to be proven to the person to whom it is given. I was wrong.
When I finally reached the point of giving my decisions to God and praying to trust in his grace, I didn't find peace or release...I found the cross calling not for compromise, but for sacrifice. Unconditional love is more than just compromise... to accept it means dying to the things that most provide security and allow someone else to believe in you. It is the unconditional love of God for us that makes grace possible. It means accepting that I am human and faulty, yet loved beyond words...to the point of death... by the only one who matters. It means that the person I love is loved that way too...and not just by me. I know I'll never lose my life to save his soul...even though I'm willing to do so...but that has already been done. Unconditional love means that I completely and utterly release myself from compromise, and find my identity in the power of the cross. It is to accept that my sin will find me out...but that it will not define me. The love that I thought I had gained through compromise...what I thought I should do and what I thought I needed to prove, I now understand had to be lost to me.
Please don't think that I find this understanding easy...I truly know for the first time, what it is like to identify with the suffering that Christ endured for me. Yet, I know that in order to love and to truly accept the best life I can, the life Christ wants for me, I have to let go of my insecurities and hold tight to trust. I have to die to myself...which means I can no longer compromise. Christ's love will never ask more of me than I can give...that's not what love does; not even the unconditional kind.
Timing is everything and unconditional love never fails...it never goes away. For me to try to force it on someone who isn’t ready to accept it, isn't love at all...it's just one more opportunity for me to make that person's happiness a priority in my life to show them that I will do whatever is necessary to prove that they are loved...it's just one more opportunity to compromise.
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