...just do it!

Shane is buying a house. He has lived in Houston for nine years and has managed to pay way too much rent for way too long. After several days of contemplating and changing his mind over and over again, he has decided to go for it. He found the one he wants, his offer has been accepted, and the financing details are finally complete. He's taking a chance and making a play at being a grown up.

Dave is going to college. He has been in Detroit for six months and has 18 more to go before his contract expires and he is able to leave that God-forsaken city. With one degree in Nursing and several years as an executive here in Austin, he moved there to become an Executive Vice President for a very successful company. Now he questions the decision to leave family and friends. When he moved, he had to leave his pursuit of a Theatre degree at St. Edward's. He's decided to take classes at one of the local universities there and continue his dream of becoming an actor.

Megan is settling down. After a year hiatus from her ex-boyfriend, she has decided to look beyond her doubts and take a chance on love. She's been on her own for a while now and although she has grown a lot personally, she hasn't been able to find the things that she thought she was missing when she was with Tom. In fact, she has realized that being with him, creating a family, and letting go of the control that drives her every decision, is what she needed to do a long time ago. She's finding herself choosing happiness over doubt.

I'm amazed by my friends...but even more amazed at what God has taught me through them. You see, I don't know much, but I know this...God doesn't change his mind. If you believe that he is calling you to do something today... if you know that it's the right thing to do...if you are completely honest with yourself...and if you seek him with a believing heart, then you can believe that he will call you to do the same thing until it's done; and he will be right beside you all the way. He doesn't change his mind...and he doesn't try to confuse you with "what if" or "it's too hard"...that's your fear talking, not him.

So, how do you know when the time is right to move on a decision?

What assurance do you have that the choice you make will be the right one?

I think the answer to both questions is a simple one...you don't.

You don't let your mind over analyze your dreams and keep you from pursuing them.

You don't let your heart hold you back from what God says is right and good for you.

You don't let the past, your fears, possible consequences, or even impossible odds keep you frozen in place.

You just start moving and focus on what's ahead.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.

I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Philippians 3: 12-14

...read my mind.

I'm not sure what to say or how to say it...

I'm still here...and it's not too late. I don't know what you're thinking, but I know what I believe. I believe in you. I believe you want more. I believe that you know that you can call anytime, day or night...and I pray that you will. I believe that the past is the past and all we are given is today and the promise of the future. I believe that I want to call you more than you can possibly imagine...but I love you too much to get in your way. I believe that God is working in you to help you do what is right. I believe that he will give you everything that you need if you will let him. I believe that you are tired and that you know you don't have to be. I believe that you can let go and just believe in yourself. I believe 1 Corinthians 13. I believe in faith, love, and blind hope. I believe that I love you more than ever...and I believe that you believe that.

Read my mind...and believe it.

friends are friends forever...

I think I've made a semi-major discovery tonight. The difference between friends and acquaintances lies in the ability to say "no".

A friend of mine recently broke-up with her boyfriend of 6 months. It wasn't particularly a surprise to most of us, but anytime a relationship ends, it is sure to be followed with some "alone" time needed by one or both parties.

When we were discussing how she was handling the breakup, she mentioned that she had spoken to one of our friends. She told this person that, while she appreciated the support she would get, she needed a few days to collect her thoughts and process what was happening. Our friend responded to her request with several text messages questioning why she couldn't spend time with friends right now. She also added that, if my friend was going to be alone, she would "miss out" on several upcoming gatherings and that she would probably regret it later.

My friend explained that she appreciated the fact that she could call me anytime, that I would always be there for her, and that I respected her request to be left alone for a few days. She knows that when she sends me a text about grabbing a drink or an upcoming happy hour, I will do my best to make it. If I can't, she doesn't worry about why I'm unavailable or whether or not we will see each other again. Our friendship is not based on compliance to her requests, but rather on the security that we like each other for who we are and we respect each other's lives. I can tell her "no" as many times as I need to and she will not take it personally...our friendship is deeper than that. I am allowed to have my own opinion...and with her, it counts for something. I cannot only be myself with her and not be afraid about it...it is encouraged and supported.

Tonight I was at a party with a group of friends whom I have known for just over 3 years. A couple of them asked about what had happened with Mike. I told them that I had stepped away from him for now so that he could do what he needed to do for himself. I asked that they be supportive of him as they were friends to both of us. Both Mike and I need to be supported in different ways...but I asked them to not focus on me and instead spend the time with him. I did this because I know that they love me and will be there when I call. They don't need to be informed of every detail, or even feel like they are key players in the drama of my life. They love me for who I am...and they will always be there to support me when I need them. They know that when I ask for something of them...I don't do so lightly. They love me and respect who I am...more than their need for attention.

That's when it hit me...the difference between friends and acquaintances.

I have a couple of people in my life who won't take "no" for an answer. They aren't bad people...they just don't genuinely love or care about me. They don't really listen to anything that I have to say and they certainly don't put any thought into how I'm feeling...unless they can somehow manipulate it to their advantage. When I'm talking, instead of listening, they spend their time trying to figure out how to spin the conversation back toward them. They become upset when they aren't the focus of my every free moment, and they become vicious when I don't keep them informed and involved in the details of my life. They do everything that they can to control my answers, guide my direction, and give themselves credit in every decision that I make. They have a "knack" for making everything that I say become about them. They are associated with me because of what I can give to them or what I can do to make them feel good about themselves...regardless what it costs me. I have to ask myself, "how did I ever drown in someone so shallow?"

These people are acquaintances...and I'm cutting them lose.

a letter from Paul...

Dear Dale,

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help. Each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don't eat, you're no longer a companion with them in love, are you?

Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.

Love, Paul

Romans 14

Shana,

Thank you for reminding me of the truth.

I love you.

Dale

...hard choices.

Today I'm writing and putting it all out there...no apologies.

I've spent the last week in limbo waiting for someone to tell me that they are ready to take a chance with me...to give me a chance to love them. It hasn't happened. One day it seems to be yes, the next it's maybe, the next it's no...and I won't live with that any longer.

See, yesterday I kept him in constant prayer because he asked me to. After a week of contemplation and prayer, he knew what he needed to do and was going to do it yesterday. So I kept him before God in prayer and asked a few very close friends to do the same. They don't know him or his situation, but I explained that I had "a friend" who was in a very difficult place and needed to confront some things. They prayed with me and we all prayed without ceasing for him.

He needed to confront some things that are holding him back...but he didn't. In fact told me today that he realized that he just couldn't do it and that I should stay away from him. I asked him why. He told me that something came up yesterday and he wasn't able to do what he needed to do...so that must be God saying to stay were he is, even though he doesn't really believe that's what God wants and that it's wrong. He said he couldn't explain but that he loved me (using different words) and that I deserved better. He told me that I'll always be waiting for him and even though the situation is dysfunctional, it's just easier if he stays where he is.

That's bullshit. It's ridiculous, cowardly, and somehow extremely selfish.

Any other man would have punched him or at the very least broken something...but I know he didn't mean it. If I thought he meant it, I could walk away and lick my wounds, and start to heal. Problem is, he doesn't. I know he wants to trust me, because he can't look me in the eyes and tell me otherwise. He's had every opportunity to tell me to go, but he won't...because when he says something, he stands behind it. He just thinks that if he can just send me away, it will be easier for everyone. The problem is...he's wrong. That's not it at all.

You see, I understand him. He keeps me at arms length because he somehow believes in that warped mind of his that he isn't good enough for me...that he isn't worthy of love. When he says that I deserve better...he's right.

I deserve someone who loves himself and can stand up for what is right and good. The person that he's trying to become.

I deserve a friend who can trust the man I am, shortcomings and all, accept everything that I have to offer and cherish my heart for no other reason than it belongs to him. The friend that he's desiring to become.

I deserve a man who can stand proudly beside me, hold my hand, and believe that through faith and love, all things are possible. The man that he's starting to become.

My love for him doesn't change...especially when I know and believe that he's making a mistake. If it did, it wouldn't be love. If I thought for one second that he didn't love me, I would walk away and never look back.

So I told him that I wouldn't contact him, read his blog, or spend any more time trying to figure out how to help him...I would stop trying to convince him...but I wouldn't stop loving him. That's not how love works....not for me anyway.

If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. That's the example he sets for us. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love... may be infatuation. I think a lot of people are infatuated with God, but they don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them...and they do the same thing with the people around them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world... it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation. It's like everything else that is really wonderful, really true...there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.


I believe that someday very soon, he will learn that love is stronger than fear. He will understand that God is stronger than anything and he gives us the desires of our heart if we just ask for them and believe. I'm not putting on any pressure and I'm not putting up with being kept on a short leash because of his fear. My focus is on me and I'll keep lifting him up in prayer. I just believe that God's will is stronger than our own if we let it be...and when he figures that out for himself, all he has to do is call.

..thank you Max Lucado.

I recently posted a blog about how I run. The purpose was to talk about my usual tendencies and to try to make myself accountable to toward changing these habits.

Today, I read the blog of another runner. Coincidence? I don't believe in it.

As I prayed about running tonight, I read a chapter from Max Lucado's latest book Facing your Giants. Again...anything but coincidence.

Here's what Max has to say about runners:

Moses ran from justice, but God used him.

Jonah ran from God, but God used him.

Rahab ran a brothel...

Samson ran to the wrong woman...

Jacob ran in circles...

Elijah ran into the mountains...

Sarah ran out of hope...

Lot ran with the wrong crowd...but God used them.

"The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Guess there's hope for us all!

...out of my hands.

What is love? Seems the word has become cliche. We use it to describe things we really only "like" and throw it around so casually.
We see the word on billboards, commercials, and even on our church marquee.
It means many things to many people...I'm beginning to see exactly what it means to me.

A few weeks ago, I came to the realization that I love someone. Not "like", but love. Honestly. Deeply. Fully. Fiercely. I remember the exact look on his face and the words he said just before I told him how I felt.

You would think that at that moment of clarity I would have been terrified...but I wasn't.


When we first began to get to know each other, I tried to find a million different reasons to not love this person...and I actually rationalized a few. The odds were against us at the time and all I could see was an uphill battle.

You would think that even one good reason to "think twice" would scare me...but it doesn't.


Recently, we spent some time with his family and friends. I met the whole group and did my best to understand his past and why he sees things the way he does. The whole time I was around them, I tried to be myself and not to do anything that would "blackball" me if the future decided to bring us together.

You would think that an event of epic proportions such as meeting the family would keep me walking on eggshells...but it didn't.


Right now, he's trying to decide whether or not his love for me (and I know without a doubt that he loves me) is stronger than his fear of falling...taking a chance...running a risk.

You would think that with everything I've been through, as fiercely as I love him, as willing as I am to lay down my own life for his, that this would be a piece of cake...

It scares the hell out of me.

...the view of my soul.

Rich Mullins is without a doubt my favorite musician of all time. He was a christian singer and songwriter whose music not only influenced my life, but at times changed it significantly.

Several years ago, Rich was killed in a car accident and I remember exactly where I was and how I reacted when I heard the news.

His music is honest and the lyrics are true to my soul.

Had we been friends when he wrote this song, I would tell you that he must have seen the real me when pen hit paper. The title of the song is Hold Me Jesus.
If you know me, you will understand the following.
Every word rings true, even when I hide it well. This is my soul.

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all.

When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark.

It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

Surrender don't come natural to me.

I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want, than to take what You give that I need.

And I've beat my head against so many walls, Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn.

And Your grace rings out so deep, It makes my resistance seem so thin.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf..You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

...get off of your boat.

Some days I make up the answer as I go….

”I’ve already spoken to him about his behavior and he is on his way to make things right.”

“I can move a couple of things around and be finished by 5:00.”

“Thought you could use a cup of coffee to cheer you up.”

“You are a wonderful friend and I am thankful to have you in my life.”

Some days I don’t know the answer...

“Do I stay in a job that I don’t really enjoy or do I look for other opportunities?” “What do I want to be when I grow up?”
“Why should I buy a house if I’m not sure where my career will take me?”

“Why don’t I have the courage to do what needs to be done?”

“How do I know this is God’s will or my will…can they be the same thing?”

And then there are days when the answer is in sight…so to speak.

It’s just behind the door up ahead. You know the door.

The locked door.

The locked door on the other side of the mountain that stands in front of me.

The locked door on the other side of the mountain that I might be able to climb, if I could just find the strength to leave the boat.

The boat that’s steadily drifting away from the shore of the mountain that stands in front of the locked door that hides the answer that I need.

That’s me there, in the middle of the boat...standing still.

I'm not standing still out of fear or from being overwhelmed...I’m just stalling.
I’m not trying to figure out what to do…I already know the answer.
No matter how analytical I try to be, how much I look for a path that leads around, beside, over, or below what lies in front of me…I know without a doubt, the only way to get there…is to go through it.

Seems to me, that these are the days I find myself faced with most often.

So what about you? Where do you stand with answers?

Where are you in the boat?

Can you see the door?

…the family you want to have…
…the relationship you need to mend…
…the degree you’ve let slip away.

What keeps it locked?

…fear…
…complacency…
…doubt…
…anger…
…loneliness…
…lack of trust…
…lack of faith?

How big is your mountain?

…a St. Helens sized infidelity…
…a Rainer of pride that overshadows love…
…a Kilimanjaro sized loss.

What keeps you on the boat?

…days when you can’t find the words to say…or pray…
…days when just being a little down makes you feel the weight of the world…
…days when you can’t remember what it feels like to just be held…
…days when you’ve looked every where for peace, and all you find is the cross you are called to bear…

So where do we start?

How do we leave the boat?

Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11-28-30

Lord move in the way that I’ve never seen before.
There’s a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I’m drifting away; waves are crashing on the shore
Lord Move….or Move Me


Lord Move, or Move Me FFH

...another set of eyes.

Today has been a day of introspection, testing, and interesting conversation. I have a tendency to over think and over analyze just about everything around me. To that end, I usually come to some conclusion about things, keep it to myself, and then second guess myself at some later date. That seems to be my "M.O." Well not today.

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.

Galatians 6: 4-10

Today I'm asking for your thoughts, your comments, and your help in understanding some of the things that are on my mind. I'm asking to borrow your eyes for a while. I'm going to write down a few of the things flying around in my head, and if you have something to say about them, please respond with an email or a comment. I promise to keep your thoughts confidential...I just want to know what other people see. OK...here it goes....

1. I think that when people say that they're afraid of change, what they really are is too lazy to change. Not intentionally mind you...just that they may be comfortable where they are, even if they are miserable. I'm not pointing fingers...I'll be the first one to admit that I have that problem a lot of the time. I'm unhappy, but its just easier to stay where I am and complain about it...chalk it up to fear...than to get off of my butt and do something about it. What do you think?

2. Life changes around us...whether we like it or not. Too many people...again, myself included...think that if they can "just do this or that" or " just make it to this or that point" then things will be OK. And they may be for the most part or the accomplishment of a goal. But when you think about who you are today compared to who you were 5, 10, 15 years ago, ask yourself...are you the same? Why not? Was there a pivotal moment that moved you forward or backward? Did you allow that moment to happen or were you too lazy to change? Did you wake up one morning and find that you had been left behind? Did you lose the friends that you needed losing? If not, then what's holding you back? (I do believe that as life changes around us, it's not only natural but healthy to lose people along the way. We may not see it or we may be afraid of it at the time...but I think that in order to become who we were called to be, it has to happen.)

3. What am I reaping...can you tell? Am I being too hard on myself or too easy? What's your opinion? And please don't pull any punches? I'm having a difficult time getting out of the way and letting life happen. I'm asking you to help and to hold me accountable. Paul spoke those words above to the church at Galatia. They are just as valid, if not more so today. I reap what I sow. It's a scary thought, but that doesn't make it any less true. So what do you see?

AT&T got nothing on us...

Ever wonder why you consider some people friends and others family? We all do it. We all have those "non-biological" people in our lives who, for whatever reason, have somehow managed to not only survive the rollercoaster ride that we all experience, but do it standing next to us...holding our hand all the way. I'm not talking about people we date, marry, or even consider our soulmates...although I might argue that last definition at a later time. I mean the people who are so much a part of us that we can't remember our lives without them.

Dave was in a play a few years ago and the tag line at the bottom of the poster had a statement which read something like this...

"I think our friends are our real lovers and our lovers are just the ones we cling to in the dark."

I like that idea...not because I'm giving up on love or the idea of sharing my life with someone...but because I think it might just be true.
I tell people all the time about my family and never really bother to clarify who I mean...when I say "my family," I'm talking about the people I love more than myself.

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." John 15:13-14

Want to know how I can tell the difference between my friends and my family? I have the best of times with both...but I'm the most relaxed around my family. I pray the best I can for everyone who is a part of my life...but I constantly kneel before the throne for my family. I disagree with my friends and usually give in so that we can get over it...but I don't give up so easily with my family.

My family...We complain about each other. We fight with each other. We hurt each other. And when push comes to shove...you better believe we love each other. And heaven help you if you try to come between us!

...happy birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Catherine...you make 31 look like 21 and being a mom look like a piece of cake!!
I love you!!
Enjoy your gift and keep it away from the boys!!

...have a nice day.

It’s late and I’m tired. It’s been a long day.

The kind of day you can’t wait to finish.
The kind of day that makes you long for a pillow and the comfort of your own bed.
The kind of day that you know will bring a sleepless night.
The kind of day that can only end with you being tired.

Maybe tired isn’t the right word. Worn-out…Disappointed...Drained…
Yeah…much better adjectives to describe my day.

And yet I can’t stop these lyrics from playing in my head…

All who sail the sea of faith find out before too long…how quickly blue skies can grow dark and gentle winds blow strong. And suddenly fear is like white water pounding on your soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control.

That’s me…I’ve been at sea for almost 27 years. Gray skies are nothing new; especially today. Don’t misunderstand…I’m not defeated, just a little exhausted…empty. Maybe that’s why I keep hearing the next part:

Sometimes He calms the storm with a whisper, "Peace… be still." He can settle any sea…but it doesn't mean He will.

That last line is interesting to think about. God can do anything…make all of the stuff around me just stop. With a thought or a spoken word, God can intervene on my behalf and take away all of the things that have come crashing down on me…the things that bring me fear...the things that make me tired…but sometimes he chooses not to. On days like this, all I can ask is, “why?”

Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.

Guess that answers my question. He’s calming me today. This day has been so chaotic that I can’t believe he would do otherwise.
Unexpected things have rocked my boat…an email from the past, an impossible situation in the present, and an avoided question about the future.
I believe that the "lordship" of Christ is real...as a Christian, nothing comes to me that hasn't gone through him first. So, I know that everything that has happened today has a purpose...and at the same time, these “things” and “fears” that have come my way today make me wonder why God has so much faith in me, when I seem to have so little in myself. Again…not defeated…just questioning.

He has a reason for each trial that we pass through in life. Though we're shaken we CANNOT be pulled apart from Christ.

Think about that last line for a second…how powerful is that six letter word in the middle? CANNOT…doesn’t leave much room for doubt. And the point sounds somewhat familiar…

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 38-39

No matter how the driving rain beats down on those who hold to faith… a heart of trust will always be a quiet peaceful place.

There it is….that’s why he’s calming me today…because through it all, I’m holding on to him. And my faith connects me to his peace…I almost forgot about peace. After a day like today, I needed to be reminded. Thank you God...and thanks for the rain.

Sometimes He calms the storm with a whisper, "Peace… be still." He can settle any sea… but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.

...fluently spoken here.

OK, I know that just about six entries ago, I went into this whole dialogue of how I lie and manipulate people. Well check out the date. I wrote that almost two years ago…I’m not that person anymore. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of prayer and energy (in that order) to be sure that I never become that person again. Though I had the best of intentions, I wasn’t honest with anyone, including myself. But isn’t the first step to recovery admitting that you have a problem? So I’m patting myself on the back for taking the steps to letting the truth set me free….so now it’s your turn.

I don’t think people believe in the truth anymore. We are so desensitized to honesty that we don’t recognize it when we see it. Maybe it’s because honesty is rare and the truth has become a passing fad. When we hear or experience something that sounds even remotely like it might be true…we wait and listen for “the catch,” before we will even begin to think about accepting it. We have all experienced an event or series of events which have led to a hardening of our hearts…and this way of thinking is nothing new…

“…they are hopelessly confused…their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. Ephesians 4:17-18

My love language is Words of Affirmation. If you’ve read the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, stop reading right now and go buy it. I promise you won’t regret it!!

Words are important to me…so I try not to use them haphazardly. Does that mean that everything that I say is right and that I never use my words to hurt or slander…I wish it did, but I started this entry with the fact that I’m not a liar…so… No.

I use words to say things that I later wish I could take back. I try not to, but it happens. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not an honest, truthworthy person. It just means that I’m human. By the same token, unless I have reason to believe otherwise, I trust and believe that what people say to me is the truth…that doesn’t mean I’m not wise and discerning, it just means that I listen carefully and trust that they mean what they say. I do my best to speak the truth at all times. I don’t choose to live this way because I’m overly optimistic or naive…I live this way because I’m called to do so…

…So from now on there must be no more lies. Speak the truth to one another. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:25, 29

I didn’t write it…Paul did. And like Paul, I have been wounded and jaded in life. Like Paul, I have said and done things that I do not look forward to having to answer for when I meet my maker face to face. But like Paul, I have been blinded by the love, the grace, and the mercy of the one who sets my days before me and always speaks the truth. Jesus chose every word carefully…and he spoke the truth in love. I choose to do the same...I will speak the truth...the question is...will you listen?

...I dare you to train with us!!!

So I have a friend with a problem...OK...I have several friends with problems. And we all know what people mean when they say, "I have a friend." The point is, I'm not physically ready for the triathlon that I signed up for a couple of months ago. And at this point, it doesn't look like I'll be participating in it at all. My training partner has a similar lack of motivation. So my friend (and NO I'm not talking about myself... I mean an actual friend) and I decided to spend the next 20 days "working to correct" all of the things that have distracted us from training. We met at Stubb's last night, came up with a plan and a point system, and are committed to this "NEW" triathlon...I've attached the contract and point sheet for your perusal:

no boys…
no booze…
no burritos…

The first annual
“Cleanse your Colon and your Conscience”,
“Out with the Bad, in with the Good”,
“It’s all about Me!”
Memorial Day FAST and TRIATHLON!!!

Beginning midnight, May 6 through midnight, May 27, I agree to actively participate in the above mentioned triathlon. During this challenge, I will avoid at all costs, anything having to do with my obsession for boys, my penchant for booze, and my tendency to overindulge on bad food. If at anytime, I feel the urge or am faced with the temptation to cheat, give in, or otherwise compromise my body, my integrity, or my self-esteem, I understand that I should call the other participant for support 24 hours a day/7 days a week. I further understand that the point system is based on honesty and trust, and I will do everything in my power to show both myself and this challenge the dignity and respect that each deserves.

Signature____________________________date____________
Signature____________________________date____________

Point System

1 pt NO BOOZE
1 pt No Bad Food
1 pt Exercise (1 hr min. ½ pt for each half hour thereafter)
1 pt No Compulsive Texting, Phone, or Email

1 pt Drink 1 gallon of water (Eight 8oz glasses)
1 pt Take 1 multivitamin (# of vitamins in irrelevant)
1 pt Prayer (at least one time each day)
1 pt No Boys (includes dating and flirting…looking is OK)
1 pt Journal or Blog entry (no minimum amount)
1 pt Do 1 positive thing for yourself
1 pt Full night’s rest (8 hours is the goal)
1 pt READ
1 pt Sit-ups and Crunches
1 pt NO TALKING about Weight

WEEKEND Points are DOUBLE (due to level of difficulty)
2 pts Attend Church (Bedside Baptist is not a place)
2 pts No Bad Food
2 pts Hermiting…Go out and DO SOMETHING
2 pts Make 1 good contact with someone

Total points

I actually created a table to help us keep track...if you decide to find a friend to join the triathlon with us, let me know and I'll email you our point tracking sheet.

I think it's really important to do this for ourselves...especially at a time of year when so many things are changing and begging for our attention and time. It's easy to lose focus of what's important and healthy...So I hope this challenge will make a long term difference for both of us.

And the best part is...I get to count this entry as 1 point!!!

See you tomorrow!!!

...is this love?

Want to know what's on my mind today? My feelings and emotions can best be described through the questions asked by Jim Peterik in his band's 1986 hit single...

I've heard talk of blind devotion...lovers through thick and thin.
Lives touched with real emotion...faithful til the bitter end.
NOW...I must admit, though the story's attractive, I've lost in far too many affairs.
I've seen all the pain that the morning can bring.
I need to prove to myself this is more than a crush...can you convince me it's not just a physical rush?

Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this love that's been keeping me up all night?
Is this love that I'm feeling? Is this love?

So many nights, in blind confusion, I've walked the line of love.
We reach out in disillusion...when one night isn't nearly enough.
NOW...I'd like to know that for once in my life I'm sure of what tomorrow may bring.
I've heard all your talk...can I take it to heart?
Now look me straight in the eye, 'cause tonight is the night.
We've got to ask each other if the moment is right.

Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this love that's been keeping me up all night?
Is this love that I'm feeling? Is this love?

I've tread those mean streets...blind alley's where the currency of love changes hands.
All touch, no feeling, just another one-night-stand.
I need to know that there's someone who cares...Could you be the angel to answer my prayers?

So that's what's on my mind today...and it's all good! And by the way...if you are someone special reading this and wondering how to answer this question for yourself, let me tell you that I've done exactly that. I'm not sure what your answer would be...but I can tell you mine...it's YES...don't believe me?...read my mind! :0)

I'm a runner...

I’m tired of all the things in life that make me miss it. I’m tired of saying something as a promise, then having to live up to it. I’m tired of things always being so much harder than I expected. I’m tired of not having it all figured out yet. I’m tired of whining! But most of all...I'm tired of running.

I spent some time at the Austin Rock Gym today with Mike. It’s a great place to go if you are at all interested in rock-climbing and I would highly recommend it to anyone as a fun activity. Now, the gym itself is in a warehouse off of Lamar and upon first entering the building, you may think to yourself, “That’s it? I can get through this in about 15 minutes…I thought this was going to be fun.” And if this is your reaction, I promise that you’ll regret it as soon as you start to climb. The courses are a lot harder than they look and you wear yourself out a lot faster than you can imagine.

To climb in the gym, the colored tape marks the level of difficulty for each course. Mike is a master of being able to stand on the ground and map out exactly how to navigate through the course to reach the goal at the top. He has a great analytical skill and a discernment that allow him to see the way to the top, long before he even starts. I on the other hand seem to do better when I “just go for it” and start to climb. So long as I focus on the next rock ahead of me, I can quickly and seemingly gracefully make it to the finish line...and therein lies my problem. This is a great strategy for the gym...not so much for life.

I realized today that life is one long moment of inertia. When you climb on the rocks, sometimes you get uncomfortable...and the only way to move to the next grip is to push off with your foot, away from the safety and security of the wall, and throw your hand toward the rock that you HOPE you will be able to grip. It’s a lot easier to do in the gym than in real life. See, I also realized today that I have a habit of running away when things are uncomfortable…not difficult or overwhelming…that at least would be understandable. I just tend to run when I’m uncomfortable.

I run when I’m tired of fighting. Lately, when push comes to shove, I find myself falling over with the smallest nudge. Things are difficult at work, so I don’t stand up for what I believe in…I hear myself say, “if I can just make it through the next [so many] days.”

I run when I’m lonely. I know what I believe in my soul, without a shadow of a doubt; but when I can’t express it in a way that someone else can understand…I cut my losses and move on. I allow myself to fall in love with someone, and when I don’t think that they are falling back quickly enough, I begin to fear the worst. I tell them that I will be patient and I mean it…but how can I help them see that?

I run when I’m faced with making a decision. The lease on my apartment, the contract on my job, and the last car payment on my jeep all fall on May 31. I’m telling people that it’s a sign that I should make a change, but that would mean making some decisions…so I don’t. Making decisions requires effort, and I’m usually too tired from running to expend the energy.

All of the above being said…here is the kick in the rubber parts. Now that I know I’m a runner…the question becomes, “What am I running FROM and what am I running TO?” Knowing my penchant toward procrastination, you won’t get an answer anytime soon on this blog. But I do hope that I will have the answer soon for myself. I’ll let you know ASAP…or whenever I get around to it.
PS. Thank you Mr. Kenney…It’s good to know that, when I'm trying to run and I need an obstacle to slow me down, I can always count on you to be in the way!!

old flowers...

I've decided that, although I'm almost 40, I'm not much of a grownup when it comes to my spirituality. At what point do I stop praying for help, strength, and forgiveness, and start doing something about what Christ has given me. I'm not saying that it's not important for us to ask forgiveness and pray for wisdom and strength, but when do we realize that we have them and move on from these requests?

The other night at church, our youth minister told a story about bringing his wife roses for Valentines Day...how she responded to this gesture was very poignant; and I believe it is something that we should be listening for God to say to us.
When asked about whether or not she liked the flowers, she replied, "Josh, roses are what you gave me before you knew me..." Our minister went on to say that although she appreciated the sentiment, if he really knew her, in the way that she wants to be known by him, he would have given her an orchid.

I've been a christian for 27 years...and just about every day, I find myself praying the same prayer that I prayed back in sixth grade. What an eye opening experience it is for me to realize that...and the irony is that, I don't even like roses!

As a new believer, I think there are things that we are supposed to do to build a foundation and relationship with Christ...but how long can I keep giving him roses when what he really wants are orchids? And when will I be tired of roses myself? How long will I keep on asking for the superficial, shallow, earthly things that I think I need to make it through the day, when he has an eternal, deep, heavenly job for me to do? How long will I make the focus of my relationship with him all about me, and ignore the fact that he's called me to do more? How long will I deny the orchids of his love for the roses of my immaturity?

I think that at some point as Christians, we are supposed to realize that God values us and expects us to accept his gifts...his grace, his mercy, his love. He means what he says...period. Just like a child has to learn to walk on his own, at some point Christ wants us to accept the fact that we are forgiven, we are wise when we seek him, and we have more than enough strength, because he tells us it comes from him. It's time to seek out what he calls us to do...to BELIEVE what he says and listen to what comes next...to move on... to grow up...to do our best to give him orchids...and realize why he refuses to give us roses...

I saw God...And he was wearing Adidas!!!

I was talking to Jeff today about a few issues that of late have begun to occupy more of my mind and time than I'd like to admit. As is his job as my best friend, he was offering advice and trying to help me understand why things were going the way that they were, when he made a comment that forever changed the way I view God...

We were talking about my feelings for a particular person, and the confusion that I currently have about whether we are, "just friends," when something that Jeff said hit me upside the head.
"Is he the kind of guy that God wants you to be with?" In other words, "would your Father approve ?"

It's amazing to me how I can spend so much time with my eyes closed, praying and talking to God, and I never stop to just look at his face.

OK...I realize that I can't actually see his physical face...(and to be honest, when I "saw" him today, in my heart, he was wearing a navy blue Adidas track-suit) but with those words, for the first time in my life, Jeff helped me to see God in a way that I believe he wants us all to see him...as a loving Dad. Not a controlling Father who spends his time setting up arranged marriages, but a Dad who cares so deeply about our happiness and worth, that he only wants us to ask for his approval of the person we are considering spending our earthly life with. And even better, he promises to tell us what he thinks about it!!!

I like to think that when the old testament speaks of God being a jealous god, it is because he secretly says in his heart, "nobody is good enough for my son. If you expect me to entrust his heart to you during this journey on earth, then brother, you had better be something special." that's how I like to see it. I find comfort in that. I find peace in that.

...and the truth shall set you free!

Recently, someone I hold very dear accused me of being both controlling and manipulative.

And to be honest, those words cut me to the core. I don't know what my reaction would have been if I didn't love him with all my heart.

I was stunned and had no idea what he was talking about...until today.

Today, God showed me that I am a liar...and I'm thankful that he did...

You see, I have this man-made ability to take the truth and stretch it, mold it, and even tear it to one degree or another to make it somehow come out in my favor. I'm masterful at using what I know to be the truth, and saying "just enough about it" at "just the right time" to work people toward the outcome that I'm looking for. That's what I do best...and that makes me a liar, a manipulator, and a control freak. It also keeps me away from God...

I want so badly for those around me to feel good about themselves, so I pretend not to know what is going on; it helps them to see themselves as smarter or more informed than me.
I call it "flattery"...God calls it a lie.

I take the facts and add a little "unfounded" detail or two when telling a story.
I call it "making it more realistic"...God calls it a lie.

I want others to believe what I'm saying without questioning the source, so I rearrange the facts or details and put them in an order that seems more credible; always to my favor.
I call it "proving my case"...God calls it a lie.

I don't do these things on purpose mind you...I do them very indirectly. But that's only because I've been doing them for so long, they've become second nature to me. Why do I do these things? God showed me this morning by using Max Lucado to walk me through it.

"The truth, we learn early, is not fun. We don't like the truth. Not only do we not like the truth, we don't trust the truth. If we are brutally honest, we'd have to admit that the truth seems inadequate to do what we need done...The plain fact is we don't like the truth. Our credo is You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you squirm."
Max Lucado
Just Like Jesus

So there it is in black and white...Somewhere in my mind, I don't believe that the truth is strong enough for people to see who I am and to love me for it. I don't' trust God to take care of me and do what he says, so I help him just a little by stretching and shading the truth...

But God doesn't want me to be that way. He loves me so much that when I tell the truth, he controls the situation. He will control everything...but only if I let him. When I speak the truth, he takes the "inadequacy" that I feel, and completely turns it around...he uses the truth for his good...I just have to BE STILL and let him do the work.

What about you? Sound familiar? I hope not...but it's OK if it does...it's not too late to be honest.

Today I committed myself to the truth. I prayed that God would hold me close and that I would speak the truth in everything I did. And you know what? Once again he showed himself faithful. He brought to mind every time I wanted to speak the truth in a way that was not actual. And I'm ashamed to say that he did it all day long, and at almost all times. But he kept me honest...and I'm thankful for that. And it was truly an amazing day...

So I sincerely apologize to everyone who has ever felt manipulated or controlled by me, but chose to love me unconditionally anyway. Though there were times that I knew exactly what I was doing, there were honestly times when I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth...my intent was not to control or manipulate, even though that was the result. Please forgive me...

Jeff, you and Chris have seen it firsthand...thank you for loving me unconditionally anyway...

Shana and Kelly, you've been kind enough at times to let it pass without buying into it...thank you for loving me unconditionally anyway...

Michael, Kent, Catherine, Trisa, Kati, Rise, Conley, Kasandra, and Veronica, you've always been able to look past what I do, to see who I am...thank you for loving me unconditionally anyway.

And Edgar...you had the courage to tell me the truth. Thank you for being honest...

So from now on, there must be no more lies. Speak the truth to one another.

Ephesians 4:25

I'm gonna do my best...

I promise...

And that's the truth!