...walk me through this one.

I lost three very good friends today.

Susan kept me in line...Pat kept me in trouble...and Debbie kept me in stitches.

I love them very much...and I don't really know what to say.

These words are about loss...

Calling All Angels

by Jane Siberry

a friend is placed upon the steps, a baby cries...and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness, oh the heaviness settles in...somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it`s one foot, then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?

then it`s how long? and how far? and how many times before it`s too late?

calling all angels...calling all angels
walk me through this one...

don`t leave me alone

calling all angels...calling all angels
we`re cryin` and we`re hurtin`...and we`re not sure why...

and every day you gaze upon the sunset with such love and intensity
why it`s...it`s almost as if...if you could only crack the code then you`d finally understand what this all means

but if you could...do you think you would trade it in...all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you`d miss the beauty of the light upon this earth...

and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels...calling all angels
walk me through this one...

don`t leave me alone

callin` all angels...callin` all angels
...we`re tryin`

...we`re hopin`
...we`re hurtin`
...we`re lovin`
...we`re cryin`
...we`re callin`
...`cause we`re not sure how this goes

...what up dog?

I wasn’t a religious education major in college, but I remember taking a few bible courses. Some were required, others were optional, and one in particular was a choice. I can’t remember the name of the class…don’t know who took the class with me…not sure of the building or room number…and I’m not 100% on the professor’s name. But I will never forget an analogy she made one particular sunny afternoon. The discussion was focused on the spiritual warfare in our lives and our struggle to act on what God says is best for us and the effort involved. She explained that, while the easy choices are obvious and based on God’s word, others are not so clear cut. The difference comes in taking a stand either for or against God. When it came time to put the lecture into layman’s terms for those of us in the class not preparing for seminary…she got right to the point.

“Many times, every day, we are faced with choosing between right and wrong…good and bad…life and death…being faithful to God or ignoring his voice. Sometimes the choices are easy, and at other times they can require an uncomfortable amount of effort on our part. We can think about this effort as a battle between two German Shepherds, fighting to the death. As we watch them tear each other apart, the question of what choice we will make really becomes the question of which dog will win the fight?
And the answer is simple…the one that we feed the most.

The one that we feed the most. The good dog versus the bad dog. The choice to bless or curse.
We reap what we sow.

Envy, greed, sloth, pride…add the rest of the seven deadly sins to the list and you may begin to scratch the surface of which dog gets three square meals a day from me.
All too often, I find that I've been feeding the wrong dog. Do you?

Too many times I define my race by the hurdles rather than by the promise of success that lies ahead. Can you relate?

Too many times I make important decisions blindly, instead of praying for wisdom and instruction. Who among us hasn’t?

Too many times I avoid the door that God opens for me and instead, persist in trying to open one that I know has been closed for years. Sound familiar?

"I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, than take what you give that I need."

Rich Mullins

A precious friend came to me recently with a concern that was weighing heavy on her heart. To this person I am many things…a boss…a resource…an educator…and a brother in Christ. It’s that last label that I’m most thankful for. We began to talk about her concern and as I listened, I knew that I was called at that moment to throw aside all other titles and to be there for her as a Christian. She needed someone to help her see the big picture and she chose me. Me…the Christian pouring double scoops of “Kibbles and Bits” into the bowl of the wrong dog.

On this particular day, I hadn’t made too many wise choices myself. I was having a very hard day and I didn’t really want to talk to anyone at the time; much less someone who needed me to do something for them. I just wanted to spend the afternoon wallowing in self-pity and making a mental list of all of the “wrongs” done to me by people who should have known better. The evening would have followed with a large amount of self-doubt and self-degradation because if I were a better person, or at the very least more worthy, then I would have had a better day. Truth be told, I was not only feeding the wrong dog, I was serving prime rib!! And let’s just acknowledge that I’ve fed that dog for so long, if I tried to take away his food, I'd more than likely lose a limb. It would take an army to move that bowl from one cage to the other…good thing God an army at his disposal.

As I listened to my friend, I remembered that day, long ago at HPU, and I realized that I had a choice to make. I could tell her that she had the wrong guy, or I could take a minute and pull for the literal “underdog” in the fight for my spirit. She needed help that for some reason, God decided only I could give; and I thought that he must be out of his mind. So we sat together and joined hands to pray. But before the first word issued forth from my mouth, I said a quick prayer and asked the Father to completely remove me from the equation. I wanted to be faithful to both Him and the needs of my friend; even though I felt completely unworthy and ill-qualified. It’s amazing how quickly Christ works. I’m not sure what I prayed, but I know this to be true…the words spoken from my mouth were most definitely not from my mind. The Holy Spirit intervened and gave her the words that she needed to hear while allowing her heart to be touched by God.

How does this work? I haven’t the foggiest idea. What I do know is this…on that day;

I had to make a choice between life and death; her spirit or my selfishness. One of them had to die…and the decision was mine alone to make.

Was it an easy choice? Maybe not as easy as you think. The easy choice would have been to be left alone, pointing the finger at others and blaming myself for all the things that I thought must be going wrong with my life. Sounded like a perfectly good choice to me…but not to God. Did God choose for me to help her, or was it the other way around? I think the answer is both.

He knows me better than I know myself. And he loves me enough to remind me to feed the right dog as often as possible.

He believes in me even, when I don't want to believe in myself. He reminds me that someone is going to be fed today...and the choice is mine to make.

What about you?
Which dog are you feeding today?

Which cage have you been spending the most time in lately?
If it’s the wrong one…remember, God has experience in the bowl moving department.

...become what you believe.

I don't think about Satan very much. I guess I try to live my life focused on what God says and the result is that I don't give a lot of energy or effort to him. Now that doesn't mean that he leaves me alone...just the opposite. He constantly reminds me of what I think I can't do and he is a master at throwing fear in my face. I do think about fear. I try not to focus on it, but I don't believe that ignoring either Satan or my fears will make either of them go away. I do believe however, that what we focus on is ultimately what we achieve. Joyce Meyer believes the same thing.

"Fear is simply faith in what Satan says. We must remember that not only does God speak to us but Satan also speaks. He is a liar (See John 8:44), and when we believe his lies, we are deceived and the door is open for him to work in our lives. We open the door for God to work by placing faith in His Word, and we open the door for Satan to work by placing faith in his word. He places thoughts in our minds that are not true, but can become true for us if they are believed. If we are afraid we are not pleasing to God or people, we will manifest behavior that will actually make us displeasing. The same principle works with rejection. If we fear being rejected, we will often behave in a way that will cause people to reject us. " Joyce Meyer

In other words...we become what we believe! (Hebrews 9:29) I believe that is true more than anything. Too many times in my life I've listened to the world around me and let what it had to say define who I am. I struggled a for a long time trying to be someone other than who God made me. Even as a christian, I've let the voice of Satan determine my direction and decisions. And the more I let the world define my path, the more I believed what they had to say about me, the more I became that way.
Thank you God, that your voice of truth is louder than the world. Thank you Jesus for giving me the ability to hear it. Thank you Holy Spirit for reminding me to listen, even when I don't really want to.

I try to live my life by getting up every day, loving God, and doing my best....then letting him do the rest. I'm not always successful, but I know that God is not surprised by my inabilities, my imperfections, or my faults. And he's not surprised by yours either!!! He has always known everything about me and everything about you that you are just now finding out for yourself. He chose us on purpose... limitations and all...and equips us for the journey of our lives.

Just think—you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for Jesus to arrive on the scene for the finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Savior Jesus.

He will never give up on you.

Never forget that.

1 Corinthians 1: 7-9

It all boils down to what we choose to believe...what I choose to believe. Every day I can make the choice between listening to God or listening to Satan. I can believe what God says or what the world says. I can choose life or death...but either way, I'm choosing something. Even on days when I stand still and refuse to decide, I'm making a choice...and it's one of disobedience.(James 2: 14-26) I try to always make my choices according to what I believe.

When we face our fears, we can find our freedom. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free.” The word fear means to run away from. We don’t have to run from anything; we can confront all things in the power of the Holy Spirit. It is time for me to stop running away in fear and start running toward Christ in faith. What about you? We will all stand before God one day, and as Christians, we will be dealt with, not according to our good deeds, or our choice of careers...but according to our faith. On that day, I want to hear the words, "Well Done." And I won't hear them because I was afraid...I will hear them because I chose to believe that I am who he says I am.

Election 2008...

Finally, a campaign I can get behind!
I know where my vote will fall next November, do you?
Check it out, sign the petition, and join the team!!!

http://www.stewartcolbert08.com/

...just do it!

Shane is buying a house. He has lived in Houston for nine years and has managed to pay way too much rent for way too long. After several days of contemplating and changing his mind over and over again, he has decided to go for it. He found the one he wants, his offer has been accepted, and the financing details are finally complete. He's taking a chance and making a play at being a grown up.

Dave is going to college. He has been in Detroit for six months and has 18 more to go before his contract expires and he is able to leave that God-forsaken city. With one degree in Nursing and several years as an executive here in Austin, he moved there to become an Executive Vice President for a very successful company. Now he questions the decision to leave family and friends. When he moved, he had to leave his pursuit of a Theatre degree at St. Edward's. He's decided to take classes at one of the local universities there and continue his dream of becoming an actor.

Megan is settling down. After a year hiatus from her ex-boyfriend, she has decided to look beyond her doubts and take a chance on love. She's been on her own for a while now and although she has grown a lot personally, she hasn't been able to find the things that she thought she was missing when she was with Tom. In fact, she has realized that being with him, creating a family, and letting go of the control that drives her every decision, is what she needed to do a long time ago. She's finding herself choosing happiness over doubt.

I'm amazed by my friends...but even more amazed at what God has taught me through them. You see, I don't know much, but I know this...God doesn't change his mind. If you believe that he is calling you to do something today... if you know that it's the right thing to do...if you are completely honest with yourself...and if you seek him with a believing heart, then you can believe that he will call you to do the same thing until it's done; and he will be right beside you all the way. He doesn't change his mind...and he doesn't try to confuse you with "what if" or "it's too hard"...that's your fear talking, not him.

So, how do you know when the time is right to move on a decision?

What assurance do you have that the choice you make will be the right one?

I think the answer to both questions is a simple one...you don't.

You don't let your mind over analyze your dreams and keep you from pursuing them.

You don't let your heart hold you back from what God says is right and good for you.

You don't let the past, your fears, possible consequences, or even impossible odds keep you frozen in place.

You just start moving and focus on what's ahead.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.

I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Philippians 3: 12-14

...read my mind.

I'm not sure what to say or how to say it...

I'm still here...and it's not too late. I don't know what you're thinking, but I know what I believe. I believe in you. I believe you want more. I believe that you know that you can call anytime, day or night...and I pray that you will. I believe that the past is the past and all we are given is today and the promise of the future. I believe that I want to call you more than you can possibly imagine...but I love you too much to get in your way. I believe that God is working in you to help you do what is right. I believe that he will give you everything that you need if you will let him. I believe that you are tired and that you know you don't have to be. I believe that you can let go and just believe in yourself. I believe 1 Corinthians 13. I believe in faith, love, and blind hope. I believe that I love you more than ever...and I believe that you believe that.

Read my mind...and believe it.

friends are friends forever...

I think I've made a semi-major discovery tonight. The difference between friends and acquaintances lies in the ability to say "no".

A friend of mine recently broke-up with her boyfriend of 6 months. It wasn't particularly a surprise to most of us, but anytime a relationship ends, it is sure to be followed with some "alone" time needed by one or both parties.

When we were discussing how she was handling the breakup, she mentioned that she had spoken to one of our friends. She told this person that, while she appreciated the support she would get, she needed a few days to collect her thoughts and process what was happening. Our friend responded to her request with several text messages questioning why she couldn't spend time with friends right now. She also added that, if my friend was going to be alone, she would "miss out" on several upcoming gatherings and that she would probably regret it later.

My friend explained that she appreciated the fact that she could call me anytime, that I would always be there for her, and that I respected her request to be left alone for a few days. She knows that when she sends me a text about grabbing a drink or an upcoming happy hour, I will do my best to make it. If I can't, she doesn't worry about why I'm unavailable or whether or not we will see each other again. Our friendship is not based on compliance to her requests, but rather on the security that we like each other for who we are and we respect each other's lives. I can tell her "no" as many times as I need to and she will not take it personally...our friendship is deeper than that. I am allowed to have my own opinion...and with her, it counts for something. I cannot only be myself with her and not be afraid about it...it is encouraged and supported.

Tonight I was at a party with a group of friends whom I have known for just over 3 years. A couple of them asked about what had happened with Mike. I told them that I had stepped away from him for now so that he could do what he needed to do for himself. I asked that they be supportive of him as they were friends to both of us. Both Mike and I need to be supported in different ways...but I asked them to not focus on me and instead spend the time with him. I did this because I know that they love me and will be there when I call. They don't need to be informed of every detail, or even feel like they are key players in the drama of my life. They love me for who I am...and they will always be there to support me when I need them. They know that when I ask for something of them...I don't do so lightly. They love me and respect who I am...more than their need for attention.

That's when it hit me...the difference between friends and acquaintances.

I have a couple of people in my life who won't take "no" for an answer. They aren't bad people...they just don't genuinely love or care about me. They don't really listen to anything that I have to say and they certainly don't put any thought into how I'm feeling...unless they can somehow manipulate it to their advantage. When I'm talking, instead of listening, they spend their time trying to figure out how to spin the conversation back toward them. They become upset when they aren't the focus of my every free moment, and they become vicious when I don't keep them informed and involved in the details of my life. They do everything that they can to control my answers, guide my direction, and give themselves credit in every decision that I make. They have a "knack" for making everything that I say become about them. They are associated with me because of what I can give to them or what I can do to make them feel good about themselves...regardless what it costs me. I have to ask myself, "how did I ever drown in someone so shallow?"

These people are acquaintances...and I'm cutting them lose.

a letter from Paul...

Dear Dale,

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help. Each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don't eat, you're no longer a companion with them in love, are you?

Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.

Love, Paul

Romans 14

Shana,

Thank you for reminding me of the truth.

I love you.

Dale

...hard choices.

Today I'm writing and putting it all out there...no apologies.

I've spent the last week in limbo waiting for someone to tell me that they are ready to take a chance with me...to give me a chance to love them. It hasn't happened. One day it seems to be yes, the next it's maybe, the next it's no...and I won't live with that any longer.

See, yesterday I kept him in constant prayer because he asked me to. After a week of contemplation and prayer, he knew what he needed to do and was going to do it yesterday. So I kept him before God in prayer and asked a few very close friends to do the same. They don't know him or his situation, but I explained that I had "a friend" who was in a very difficult place and needed to confront some things. They prayed with me and we all prayed without ceasing for him.

He needed to confront some things that are holding him back...but he didn't. In fact told me today that he realized that he just couldn't do it and that I should stay away from him. I asked him why. He told me that something came up yesterday and he wasn't able to do what he needed to do...so that must be God saying to stay were he is, even though he doesn't really believe that's what God wants and that it's wrong. He said he couldn't explain but that he loved me (using different words) and that I deserved better. He told me that I'll always be waiting for him and even though the situation is dysfunctional, it's just easier if he stays where he is.

That's bullshit. It's ridiculous, cowardly, and somehow extremely selfish.

Any other man would have punched him or at the very least broken something...but I know he didn't mean it. If I thought he meant it, I could walk away and lick my wounds, and start to heal. Problem is, he doesn't. I know he wants to trust me, because he can't look me in the eyes and tell me otherwise. He's had every opportunity to tell me to go, but he won't...because when he says something, he stands behind it. He just thinks that if he can just send me away, it will be easier for everyone. The problem is...he's wrong. That's not it at all.

You see, I understand him. He keeps me at arms length because he somehow believes in that warped mind of his that he isn't good enough for me...that he isn't worthy of love. When he says that I deserve better...he's right.

I deserve someone who loves himself and can stand up for what is right and good. The person that he's trying to become.

I deserve a friend who can trust the man I am, shortcomings and all, accept everything that I have to offer and cherish my heart for no other reason than it belongs to him. The friend that he's desiring to become.

I deserve a man who can stand proudly beside me, hold my hand, and believe that through faith and love, all things are possible. The man that he's starting to become.

My love for him doesn't change...especially when I know and believe that he's making a mistake. If it did, it wouldn't be love. If I thought for one second that he didn't love me, I would walk away and never look back.

So I told him that I wouldn't contact him, read his blog, or spend any more time trying to figure out how to help him...I would stop trying to convince him...but I wouldn't stop loving him. That's not how love works....not for me anyway.

If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. That's the example he sets for us. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love... may be infatuation. I think a lot of people are infatuated with God, but they don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them...and they do the same thing with the people around them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world... it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation. It's like everything else that is really wonderful, really true...there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.


I believe that someday very soon, he will learn that love is stronger than fear. He will understand that God is stronger than anything and he gives us the desires of our heart if we just ask for them and believe. I'm not putting on any pressure and I'm not putting up with being kept on a short leash because of his fear. My focus is on me and I'll keep lifting him up in prayer. I just believe that God's will is stronger than our own if we let it be...and when he figures that out for himself, all he has to do is call.

..thank you Max Lucado.

I recently posted a blog about how I run. The purpose was to talk about my usual tendencies and to try to make myself accountable to toward changing these habits.

Today, I read the blog of another runner. Coincidence? I don't believe in it.

As I prayed about running tonight, I read a chapter from Max Lucado's latest book Facing your Giants. Again...anything but coincidence.

Here's what Max has to say about runners:

Moses ran from justice, but God used him.

Jonah ran from God, but God used him.

Rahab ran a brothel...

Samson ran to the wrong woman...

Jacob ran in circles...

Elijah ran into the mountains...

Sarah ran out of hope...

Lot ran with the wrong crowd...but God used them.

"The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Guess there's hope for us all!

...out of my hands.

What is love? Seems the word has become cliche. We use it to describe things we really only "like" and throw it around so casually.
We see the word on billboards, commercials, and even on our church marquee.
It means many things to many people...I'm beginning to see exactly what it means to me.

A few weeks ago, I came to the realization that I love someone. Not "like", but love. Honestly. Deeply. Fully. Fiercely. I remember the exact look on his face and the words he said just before I told him how I felt.

You would think that at that moment of clarity I would have been terrified...but I wasn't.


When we first began to get to know each other, I tried to find a million different reasons to not love this person...and I actually rationalized a few. The odds were against us at the time and all I could see was an uphill battle.

You would think that even one good reason to "think twice" would scare me...but it doesn't.


Recently, we spent some time with his family and friends. I met the whole group and did my best to understand his past and why he sees things the way he does. The whole time I was around them, I tried to be myself and not to do anything that would "blackball" me if the future decided to bring us together.

You would think that an event of epic proportions such as meeting the family would keep me walking on eggshells...but it didn't.


Right now, he's trying to decide whether or not his love for me (and I know without a doubt that he loves me) is stronger than his fear of falling...taking a chance...running a risk.

You would think that with everything I've been through, as fiercely as I love him, as willing as I am to lay down my own life for his, that this would be a piece of cake...

It scares the hell out of me.

...the view of my soul.

Rich Mullins is without a doubt my favorite musician of all time. He was a christian singer and songwriter whose music not only influenced my life, but at times changed it significantly.

Several years ago, Rich was killed in a car accident and I remember exactly where I was and how I reacted when I heard the news.

His music is honest and the lyrics are true to my soul.

Had we been friends when he wrote this song, I would tell you that he must have seen the real me when pen hit paper. The title of the song is Hold Me Jesus.
If you know me, you will understand the following.
Every word rings true, even when I hide it well. This is my soul.

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all.

When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark.

It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

Surrender don't come natural to me.

I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want, than to take what You give that I need.

And I've beat my head against so many walls, Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn.

And Your grace rings out so deep, It makes my resistance seem so thin.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf..You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.

You have been King of my glory,

Won't You be my Prince of Peace.