You got your "M's" mixed up...

As most of you know, I began my teaching career in Stafford, Texas. Yolanda Kelley was the "veteran" teacher across the hall and for 3 years we maintained a very good friendship. At the time, she had been teaching math for 17 years and I thought that she knew everything. She helped me write lesson plans, create unit tests, and once even collaborated with me on putting up and maintaining a bulletin board in the hallway. She was an awesome partner teacher.
But the best part about working with "Yo Yo Ma" was in the way she taught me to deal with the students.

One day in particular, she came out of her room to post the attendance on her door, just as I had pulled two students out of my room for arguing. I don't remember the reason for the argument exactly, but suffice it to say that they were not focused on linear equations in the way that I thought they should be.

Yolanda heard me talking to the students, and saw that I was getting nowhere fast. I was trying to figure out what was going on and why the girls were so upset with each other (a rookie, teacher mistake). So, being the kind, gentle, and extremely blunt person that she is, Yo calmly walked past me into the midst of the two arguing girls and made the following statement...

"Excuse me...I don't know what this is all about, and frankly I could care less, but the point is...You're talking MESS and you should be talking MATH. You got your M's mixed up. Now get over it and get back to class. Understand?"

Today, I came to a similar realization...I've got it mixed up.
The problem is, my mess is a little more serious than some 8th grade crush, or something said in the cafeteria at lunch.

Lately I've found myself full of fear and empty of patience.

Isn't that mixed up?

Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Doesn't God want me to have patience in abundance? Doesn't he tell me that fear is not from him? So what's the deal with me?

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.
Romans 7:15

Sound familiar?

Lately God is testing my patience...and I'm failing HARD!!

It isn't when I pray for patience that I necessarily need it most. It's in those times when I'm not focused on the power and presence of God that things like patience and doubt become confused and interchanged. And then it's easy to see why I can mix them up so easily.
If I don't "feel" patience, then not only do I allow myself to become overwhelmed by the very thing that I need patience for, I allow fear to creep in when the doors to my heart and mind are open. I began to doubt and fear...and instead of going to God for peace, I say things like... "What if patience doesn't come in time? Does God really care about my happiness? How long will I have to wait for him to give me the patience that he wants me to have?"

Hello fear...Goodbye peace!

For a while now I've been praying specifically for 3 things...
(1) Peace,
(2) Patience, and
(3) a God centered relationship.

Right now, he's giving me #3... which keeps me praying for#1...and completely screws up #2.
Just as a reminder, be careful what you pray for...God is listening. (Which has the ability to fill me with #1)

But He knows the deal. And he wants to help me with my tendencies.
He told Paul to write about exactly that; so that I would have hope...

It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind.
This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
Oh, what a miserable person I am!
Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?
Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.
So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7: 21-25

Looks like I'm in good company!
Jesus took care of the details...I just have to clean up the mess.
And the best part is, it's not hopeless.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus; because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2

He did the hard part. I just have to keep the faith and wait. It just takes time...and patience..."D'oh!!"

If i were a fruit farmer...I'd SUCK!

One of the things that I have always tried to keep on my mind (usually with very little success) is the list of the fruits of the spirit...

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5: 22-23

I can remember various times in my life when these verses have come up in conversation and even a sermon or two. I even remember a devotion during one of my "college summer HOTBE experiences" when the goal for the week was to remember the fruits of the spirit and to keep a record of how often we lived them. And I can tell you right now that these nine fruits were "not plentiful in number" on the HOTBE campgrounds. But I still remember trying to concentrate on them all week long. And for the most part, I did pretty well...

LOVE... not a problem...I have plenty to give.
JOY...have you seen me in the morning? Every day is a brand new day to shine!!!
PEACE...a little more difficult to find, but not impossible. Mission accomplished!
Then we get to fruit #4...
PATIENCE. You kidding me? I can meet, get to know, fall in love with, get married to, raise children with, and divorce someone in under 60 seconds...(Shane can you vouch for me?) Every time, I get stuck on number 4. It's my downfall, so its obviously what I pray about most. And God is good...all the time. I pray for it, he tests me, I fail. Rinse. Repeat.
But I'm working on it! So let's move on...
KINDNESS...check!
GOODNESS...I do my best and I believe that nothing done in faith will ever fail...so I'm good!
FAITHFULNESS...Not a test I always pass...but one I'm willing to take over and over again.
GENTLENESS...Yes. Interpretation is not found in the giving, but in the receiving.
SELF-CONTROL...Ouch. I can't say that I'm very successful here.

Well...I still passed!!! 7 out of 9 is almost 78%.

Which makes me wonder...
If Patience and Self-Control are missing from my life...what have I replaced them with?
If there are Fruits of the Spirit to guide me in the way I should live...are their Fruits of the World that drive me when I fail in the pursuit?
And how would a verse like the one from Galatians sound if quoted from the Worldly Human Perspective?

But the fruit of the World is hate, sorrow, worry, nervousness, selfishness, evil, doubt, force and abandon. With such things there is no hope.
Earthbound 1:2-3

Instead of LOVE...would I focus on HATE?
I casually use this word to describe my feeling toward movies and food, but how do I use it when I don't get my way?

How often do I trade JOY for SORROW...on purpose?
Is it easier for me to wallow in self-pity than to try to understand the circumstance and what God would have me learn from it?

Why is PEACE so carelessly replaced with WORRY?
I tend to over-analyze everything. I'm told that it's human nature; but am I only human?

Do I dare let you know that it's not PATIENCE that I possess but NERVOUSNESS.
"What if...I just need it right now...I could be wrong...but what if I'm not?" I have an earthly need to be in control.

Is what I think an act of KINDNESS really done out of SELFISHNESS? I always have the best of intentions...but what's really in it for me?

GOODNESS can't be EVIL in disguise...can it? I mean, if I hide the talent that God has given me, rather than multiply it for his glory, it's only because I didn't want to lose it...I want him to see how well I can take care of things...I want him to be proud of me.

I know that I sometimes lack FAITHFULNESS...but that's only because I have so much DOUBT. What if I screw everything up and make the wrong choices? I mean, I only get one chance at life right?

And GENTLENESS...what is that really? Isn't FORCE a better way for me to get what I want? Nobody is going to hand me life on a silver platter...besides I never intend to hurt anyone, so that makes it OK doesn't it?

SELF-CONTROL is impossible...lets face it. Reckless ABANDON is what seems to keep the world spinning.

Are these the seeds I sow? Is this the harvest I reap? Is this my fate?
Not on your life...and thankfully, not on mine.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16

WHEW...

I think I'll leave the farming to the one who knows how to do it...I'll just buy my fruit from his stand and be about my business.

a new day to say I love you...

I've just finished reading The Five Love Languages and it probably comes as no surprise to you that my language is Words of Affirmation...I didn't really need to read the book to know that, but I did need to read it to confirm what I believe to be the love language of the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with (more on this to follow soon).

And I personally believe that the book is right on the money. I've spent the better part of a week speaking the language of physical touch to my future mate, and I'm amazed at how much more relaxed and focused our relationship has become.

If you haven't read the book (and I encourage everyone to read it), the 5 languages are:
Words Of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
and Quality Time.

Gary Chapman is the author and he even has a version written specifically for men. It's a great read...but I must admit that I didn't start out reading the book to understand myself...I wanted to understand someone else. But what I found was that understanding my own love language was valuable for me. It is a wonderful tool for me to use in all my relationships. Now, I better understand why I act the way that I do when I don't feel loved, and why I sometimes react to those around me in ways that they don't understand.

If you want me to know that you love me, tell me straight up! Don't beat around the bush and don't say it sarcastically. Just be honest and tell me how you feel. That is the way that my mind processes the feeling of love. No gifts and no quality time necessary...just be sure to tell me as much as possible...

I guess that's why I've often felt apart from God. I don't hear an audible voice from him say, "I love you." But that's OK. I'm mature enough as a Christian to hear it from those he's placed in my life and to understand that each person is a blessing from him...his way of telling me that I am loved and treasured.
And I've read enough of his word to hear him tell me that he loves me through his parables and deeds. For me, it's enough to look at my life and see that he tells me that he loves me every morning when I wake up. In the groggy state between snooze and the smell of coffee I hear;

"Good Morning Dale. Guess What? Yesterday is gone and today I've given you a fresh start...a clean slate. I've been singing over you while you slept and our father has given you a new day of freedom. Today, my mercy is new and my grace is sufficient... So let's do this!"

A fresh start...New mercies...Grace...Freedom...
If that doesn't say "I love you"...I don't know what does!

And guess what...I'm not the only one he sings over...