As most of you know, I began my teaching career in Stafford, Texas. Yolanda Kelley was the "veteran" teacher across the hall and for 3 years we maintained a very good friendship. At the time, she had been teaching math for 17 years and I thought that she knew everything. She helped me write lesson plans, create unit tests, and once even collaborated with me on putting up and maintaining a bulletin board in the hallway. She was an awesome partner teacher.
But the best part about working with "Yo Yo Ma" was in the way she taught me to deal with the students.
One day in particular, she came out of her room to post the attendance on her door, just as I had pulled two students out of my room for arguing. I don't remember the reason for the argument exactly, but suffice it to say that they were not focused on linear equations in the way that I thought they should be.
Yolanda heard me talking to the students, and saw that I was getting nowhere fast. I was trying to figure out what was going on and why the girls were so upset with each other (a rookie, teacher mistake). So, being the kind, gentle, and extremely blunt person that she is, Yo calmly walked past me into the midst of the two arguing girls and made the following statement...
"Excuse me...I don't know what this is all about, and frankly I could care less, but the point is...You're talking MESS and you should be talking MATH. You got your M's mixed up. Now get over it and get back to class. Understand?"
Today, I came to a similar realization...I've got it mixed up.
The problem is, my mess is a little more serious than some 8th grade crush, or something said in the cafeteria at lunch.
Lately I've found myself full of fear and empty of patience.
Isn't that mixed up?
Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Doesn't God want me to have patience in abundance? Doesn't he tell me that fear is not from him? So what's the deal with me?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.
Romans 7:15
Sound familiar?
Lately God is testing my patience...and I'm failing HARD!!
It isn't when I pray for patience that I necessarily need it most. It's in those times when I'm not focused on the power and presence of God that things like patience and doubt become confused and interchanged. And then it's easy to see why I can mix them up so easily.
If I don't "feel" patience, then not only do I allow myself to become overwhelmed by the very thing that I need patience for, I allow fear to creep in when the doors to my heart and mind are open. I began to doubt and fear...and instead of going to God for peace, I say things like... "What if patience doesn't come in time? Does God really care about my happiness? How long will I have to wait for him to give me the patience that he wants me to have?"
Hello fear...Goodbye peace!
For a while now I've been praying specifically for 3 things...
(1) Peace,
(2) Patience, and
(3) a God centered relationship.
Right now, he's giving me #3... which keeps me praying for#1...and completely screws up #2.
Just as a reminder, be careful what you pray for...God is listening. (Which has the ability to fill me with #1)
But He knows the deal. And he wants to help me with my tendencies.
He told Paul to write about exactly that; so that I would have hope...
It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind.
This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
Oh, what a miserable person I am!
Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?
Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.
So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7: 21-25
Looks like I'm in good company!
Jesus took care of the details...I just have to clean up the mess.
And the best part is, it's not hopeless.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus; because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
He did the hard part. I just have to keep the faith and wait. It just takes time...and patience..."D'oh!!"
