unconditional...

Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'.

Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication:
unconditional dedication refers to an act of the will without regard to feelings (for example; a person may consider they have a duty to stay with a person);
unconditional love is an act of the feelings in spite of will.


Unconditional love of self is the concept of loving yourself regardless of external conditions. This includes not denying yourself or your feelings in favor of others. Ultimately, a person will have to move away from others who do not love them without condition. Unconditional love of self is considered the foundation for unconditional love. Once a person is able to love themself without condition then they will be able to love others without condition.

For many People this is not very easy to understand. Probably because people have used the term to demand more love from a person then possible for that person to give. And when the person in demand was unable to fulfill the expectations of the other they were accused of not loving without condition. This is a false definition. It is impossible to define unconditional self love or unconditional love when people put expectations on it that can ultimately end up in disappointment. Here's why:
1. "Loving is sharing and not demanding."
2."When two people argue, That is self love."

a modern day Rahab...

Rahab was a woman who demonstrated great faith, to the salvation of herself and her family. She sheltered God's people and risked her life to protect his spies in Caanan. She was so greatly blessed and shown favor by God, that she is named in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. Listed in his lineage, she is known simply as Rahab, the mother of Boaz who married Ruth. Yet how do we remember her today? What words inevitably and always follow her name as a constant reminder of the compromises she made?
In the story of Rahab, she is referred to over and over not by her name, but by her profession…as a prostitute. Why does the Lord give her grace, yet choose to remind us of that fact? Numbers 32:23 says "......be sure your sin will find you out". In God's eyes, being a prostitute is a sin, and even though Rahab was greatly blessed by God, she is first known as Rahab the prostitute.
I wonder, with the choices I have made...the positions I've willingly and to be honest, gladly placed my self into, how will I be remembered? What descriptors will follow my name??

I could spend the next several paragraphs listing the compromises that I have made over the last few months...but let me paraphrase. I've compromised every aspect of my life in some way.

I compromised my job to spend time with someone I love. I compromised my feelings to protect a way of life that I can never be a part of. I compromised my emotions and grief to be a leader to my campus. I compromised my integrity to a family who opened their arms to me. I compromised my character by believing that I would "take whatever I could get" from someone who loves me, but isn't ready to be with me. I compromised friendships by pushing them away so I wouldn't have to explain the other compromises that I've made. But most of all, I compromised my witness as a christian by choosing the stuff of earth over the allegiance I owe only to the giver of all good things.

As I look back on how I've chosen to live, I'm truly amazed,not at how much it has cost me, but at how much I was willing to pay for what I considered happiness. It certainly isn't what Christ had in mind when he died for me. I've spent the last several months ignoring what matters most, because I thought that living without the person I love would be too great a price to pay. It's the only price that I focused on. I thought that, to show unconditional love required me to compromise what I wanted or needed in order for it to be proven to the person to whom it is given. I was wrong.

When I finally reached the point of giving my decisions to God and praying to trust in his grace, I didn't find peace or release...I found the cross calling not for compromise, but for sacrifice. Unconditional love is more than just compromise... to accept it means dying to the things that most provide security and allow someone else to believe in you. It is the unconditional love of God for us that makes grace possible. It means accepting that I am human and faulty, yet loved beyond words...to the point of death... by the only one who matters. It means that the person I love is loved that way too...and not just by me. I know I'll never lose my life to save his soul...even though I'm willing to do so...but that has already been done. Unconditional love means that I completely and utterly release myself from compromise, and find my identity in the power of the cross. It is to accept that my sin will find me out...but that it will not define me. The love that I thought I had gained through compromise...what I thought I should do and what I thought I needed to prove, I now understand had to be lost to me.

Please don't think that I find this understanding easy...I truly know for the first time, what it is like to identify with the suffering that Christ endured for me. Yet, I know that in order to love and to truly accept the best life I can, the life Christ wants for me, I have to let go of my insecurities and hold tight to trust. I have to die to myself...which means I can no longer compromise. Christ's love will never ask more of me than I can give...that's not what love does; not even the unconditional kind.

Timing is everything and unconditional love never fails...it never goes away. For me to try to force it on someone who isn’t ready to accept it, isn't love at all...it's just one more opportunity for me to make that person's happiness a priority in my life to show them that I will do whatever is necessary to prove that they are loved...it's just one more opportunity to compromise.

...sacrifice of praise.

I was sure by now God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I am with you." And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.
I remember when I stumbled in the wind. You heard my cry to You, and raised me up again. My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on if I can't find You. And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I am with you". And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm. And I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, You hold in your hand. You never left my side, and though my heart is torn; I will praise you in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:2

honest to God...

Last week, I took several days to "recharge." I found a little cabin "in the woods" and locked myself away. I bought a GREAT book (The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning), sent my friends a text message to pray for me, and I turned off the phone for 2 days. I HIGHLY recommend the turning off the phone part....you might be amazed at how differently the world looks when you can actually take the time to see and listen to it.

Thanks in part to my self-imposed sabbatical, I know three things for sure...

1. God expects me to fail A WHOLE LOT MORE OFTEN than I expect to.

2. Forgiveness comes BEFORE repentance.

3. I need to be HONEST WITH MYSELF...and thereby honest with God,

Honesty requires the truthfulness to admit the attachments and addictions that control or attention, dominate our consciousness, and function as false gods. I can be addicted to vodka or to being nice, to marijuana or being loved, to cocaine or to being right, to gambling or to relationships, to golf or gossiping. Perhaps my addiction is food, performance, money, popularity, power, revenge, reading, television, tobacco, weight, or winning. When we give anything more priority than we give to God, we commit idolatry. Thus, we all commit idolatry several times a day.
Honesty involves the willingness to face the truth of who we are, regardless of how threatening or unpleasant our perceptions may be. This steady self-confrontation requires strength and courage. We cannot use failure as an excuse to quit trying.

Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us

from God, but draws us to him-as nothing else can-and opens us anew to the flow of grace. (Brennan Manning)

Honesty CANNOT separate us from the love of Christ...NOTHING can.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:38

In being honest with myself, I'm starting to see Dale through the eyes of God. It's a slow process down a long road, but I'm making progress. I am a child of God, beautiful and righteous in his sight, and he thinks I deserve a better life than I do. I already believe that God wants what's best for me...I don't doubt that at all. And to be honest, there are a lot of things in my life that aren't even remotely good - much less God's best - for me. I'm being honest about these things with myself, and God is helping me to see them clearly. I don't pray for strength or clarity anymore...I pray that I will trust God.

“Lord you took me out of Egypt, now take Egypt out of me.

You delivered me from Pharaoh, now deliver me from me.

Lord make of my heart a promised land where the desert used to be.

You took me out of Egypt, now take Egypt . . . out of me.”

...light.

It's been seven days today...seven days in darkness.

I spend most of my energy focused on others...praying for them, being strong for them, believing in them, loving them, encouraging them, and seeing them through the eyes of God. I am honored to pour out my life in that way...but today, I'm running on empty. I haven't taken the time to recharge in the last week, and I'm honestly not sure that I want to.
I'm tired. The place from which I draw my strength, has gone very silent. He hasn't abandoned me, he's stretching me. And when he pulls this hard, I close my eyes. My world suddenly becomes very dark. My faith becomes heavy and all encompassing...every minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile.

What do I want?
I want my friends back. I want the last seven days back. I want to stop crying. I want to sleep. I want to have an appetite. I want to believe in myself...I just don't know how. I want my friends to see themselves for who they really are, the way that I do... and I want them to be amazed. I want that for myself. I want to stop crying. I want people to stop calling me to tell me it's going to be OK. I know everything is going to be OK...I know that God is in control. I know that. I believe that. I just don't care right now. I want this to be over with. I want to move out of this place. I want want to smile again...on the inside. I want to stop crying.

What do I need?
I need a break. I need to be completely surprised by love. I need for Pat to tell me to suck it up and get over it...and then open a bottle of wine. I need to let it all out and just break down. I need to be held. I need for Susan to tell me it's OK..then I will believe it. I need to hold on to my faith. I need to trust my instincts. I need for Debbie to distract me with a story...I need to hear her voice. I need my friends to get over themselves and to FULLY live their lives. I need to get over myself. I need to feel whole again.

What can you do to help?
Honor their lives. Honor my love for you. (M)Hold on to my heart tightly...and be proud to wear it. Be strong for me. (J)Hold me accountable. Love my sister-in-law with all of your heart. (M)Realize that control does not identify you. Let go of the fear. (R)Make me get out of the house. Be nice to me. (S)Be honest with yourself and admit that you are in over your head. Don't make it about you. (S)Realize that you've given him two years of your life...and let him go. Call me when you think of me, even if I don't answer. (K)Know that she is protected and answering God's call. Make me laugh. (C)Take the job and believe that God will provide. Pray for me. (D)Let go of the job, the contract, and the lifestyle that you hate...just come home. (M)Stop being afraid. Just Believe. (M)Be strong for her. Teach her to ask for help. Cry with me. (K)Believe in yourself. Let us love you. (K)Stop waiting and take a stand. Surprise me.

Pray for me, that I will learn to be still in the darkness ...and in the stillness, find the light.