...it's about time.

So I bought a new watch yesterday. I've wanted a digital one for a while...one with a timer. I looked at all of the Timex styles and never really found one that I felt comfortable with. I was about to give up, when I walked around to the other side of the display and found the Coleman section. All watches, $19.99. And besides being about half the price of the others, they have more features and options than the Timex brand.

Anyway...I wanted the watch so I could "redo" the 60/60 challenge that our church went through a couple of years ago. Incidentally,the 60/60 challenge is based on the "Living Life 30 minutes at a time" challenge that our church did five years ago.

Either way, the purpose of the challenge is to set the timer on your watch for 60 minutes, pray, and begin. When the alarm goes off one hour later, you are supposed to take a minute to reflect on how you used the last hour of your life; what you did, what you said, what kind of attitude you displayed; etc. It's really a great way for me to remind myself of what is really important in life...and of what I chose to make important for a period of time which I will never re-coup.

I've thought about "time" a couple of times today (like right now). My friend told us yesterday that a guy she taught with for over 20 years finally retired last May; and was diagnosed with terminal cancer in July. No warning signs or anything. Just a checkup that ends with the best estimate of the number of WEEKS you might have left. What a wake-up call. I can't even begin to imagine what is going through his mind.

I spoke with a friend last night about our relationship and made the comment that in the last six months we have been friends, there may have been three good weeks when we weren't fighting about something or not talking to each other. What kind of relationship is that? We decided that we loved and respected each other too much to keep getting in the way of the other person's life, so we are going our separate ways. I don't regret the relationship at all, and I even believe that someday, when we look back on all of this "stuff", we won't even remember why we we fought in the first place.

So my friends let me ask you....What do you think of time? Do you use it wisely? Do you fear it? Do you look back on it with regret?

We're all familiar with the first eight verses in Ecclesiastes:3...about how there is a time for everything that happens on the earth. But how many of us have ever bothered to read the next part? Verses 9-13.
I don't think I have ever really noticed the next five verses until today...and what they said really threw me for a loop. I think its about time you noticed them too.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to kill and another to heal,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up,

A right time to love and another to hate,

A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

Verses 9-13

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.

thinking about settling down...

I've been thinking a lot lately about what determines my success. This month I paid off my Jeep (3 months early) and created a new budget with a definite goal in mind. I want to be debt free and have a specific amount in savings by July 25. The goal is attainable and I'm already off to a great start. So if I reach the goal, does that make me successful. What if I only attain part of the goal and get out of debt? What if I completely fail and don't reach the goal at all?

There are several reasons for my goal-setting...not the least of which is being faithful with what I have been given. In fact, truth be told, being a good steward of what I have been trusted with is the main reason that I want to accomplish my goal. I've wasted almost everything in my possession; time, money, relationships...you name it, I've mishandled it. God has been trying for a while now to get me to acknowledge that I have excedingly more than I need and that I never give him credit for what I have. I've buried his talents and that's not good. So I'm going to stop avoiding his urging and finally listen to his voice. Please pray for me in this venture and remind and encourage me to be successful in my goals.

I've been trying to explain the hows and whys of my direction to a friend of mine, and I'm not sure he understands. In fact, his questioning of my goal and motives has made me search myself a lot more deeply than I had intended to do. Through our discussions recently, I've determined that he and I have completely different ideas of what it means to be successful. Now I'm not talking about right and wrong or even good or bad, just how we each define the end result of a life lived.

He asked me if I ever planned to "settle down and live in the moment"...and he has a point. I thought for a minute about what that question meant to me. Does that mean having a family? Maybe I should have been happy with one of the guys I've dated, overlooked his flaws and issues, happily accepted his baggage, and tried to just adjust to a life with him. What about a successful career that I enjoy? I loved teaching Middle School Math, but being an administrator at the Elementary Level means a lot more money and acclaim. Shouldn't I at least have a house of my own by now? Maybe I would be tied down to one place, but how often do I really move from one city to another?

To a lot of people, it seems that I'm always changing and focused on things ahead of me. And I would agree with that statement. I do seem to always be headed toward bigger and better things and at times I've wondered if that way of going through life has cost me something that I've not really begun to miss yet. I was questioning that tonight as we discussed what I would do once my goal had been reached...and that's when I realized the key word in his question. The one word that I think we can all agree never HAS and by the grace of God never WILL describe me. The one word in his honest and sincere question that will never be used as an adjective for me or my character. The word settle.

I cannot recall a time in my life when I have EVER really settled for something that I didn't believe was right for me. Have I made mistakes and lived in them un-apologetically... absolutely, but I've always worked through them to make them right. Have I compromised myself in all areas for (what I considered to be) the sake of another...without a doubt, but I've eventually reconciled this with Christ and made the hard choice to walk away from an unhealthy situation. Do I find myself in circumstances that are neither good nor spiritually nurturing...more times than not, but I never allow myself to stay there. I've done a lot of things in my life so far; some that I'm extremely proud to own and others that I pray only God and I will ever have to discuss. But the one thing that I get a lot of flack(and a lot of praise) for is that I have never settled.

I have been given ONE life, and I ALONE can determine whether or not it is a success. With Christ as my compass and yardstick, I will do my best to honor him and enjoy the time he has given me. To live my life to any measure less than "the fullest" would be the complete opposite of success. I will know success when I hear my father speak the two words that keep me moving forward remind me of why I will never settle..."well done." I vow to my Lord and Savior and to each of you reading this that although I may fail, I will do my best to honor what I have been given and to keep moving toward what he has for me to do...and I can say with all confidence, that means I will never settle!!

Give me a mission if I've still got the time,

Cause I'm open,Yeah I'm open!

Be my vision and I'll be your delight,

Cause I'm going wherever you're going!

Point of Grace "Day by Day"

Settling for Saul...

Have you ever stopped to think about or notice the similarities between Saul and David?
[1 and 2 Samuel]

Both were chosen by God to be King of Israel.
Both stood out in a crowd…though for different reasons.
Both were called and Anointed by God’s judge Samuel.
Both listened to God.
Both disobeyed God.
Both continued to communicate with God after they fell.
And still...

One was given complete grace and called “a man after God’s own heart”…while the other was cursed by God and utterly abandoned.
One spared the lives of people he had set out to kill, and was cursed… while the other committed both adultery and murder, yet was blessed.

Doesn’t seem quite fair does it?
Why would God favor one who showed mercy to his enemies over another who would kill to hide the truth? Why would he forgive murder, and turn his back on compassion?

The answer is simple...it all boils down to how they responded to God.

Saul chose to listen to God, BUT acted out fear. He lived his life concerned with how others viewed him and his leadership….afraid of “not being liked or respected by others.” His choices were made based on earthly standards and societal views.

David chose to listen to God THEN acted out of respect. He made mistakes in his life, and knew that God was to be obeyed in spite of how others would view him. His choices ultimately led him to repent of his sin and show remorse for what he had done.

What about you? How do you respond to God…BUT or THEN?
Does Christ view you more as a David or a Saul?

Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?

...one thing leads to another.

Good and bad are not always mutually exclusive...are they?

What about the Stockholm Effect? Ever hear of a hostage who develops an attachment to his captor? In the early seventies, two ex-convicts held three women and a man hostage during a robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. They held them hostage for six days. When it was all over, the hostages actually defended the actions of their captors--two of the women even became engaged to the men who had held them and threatened their lives.

There are a variety of theories on this kind of phenomenon...
-emotional transference,
-misidentification of kindness,
-emotional damage on the part of the captive;
Perhaps on some level, all of these are true.

You want to hear my theory?

We all want romance. Love. Tenderness. Passion.
We want the adrenaline rush of the bad, and to still believe that good wins out over evil. That good people are incapable of doing bad things. Which we all know is a load of crap. "The hostage perceives what she misidentifies as small kindness from her captor...despite the ongoing terror."

I think good and bad often come wrapped in the same package. We just lean one direction or the other, depending on circumstances and personality. Sometimes good people do bad things, and more importantly...sometimes bad people will do good things.

Romans 7: 17-25
I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Anyway...

I've been accused of being too open and honest about things. I'm usually the person who friends and family come to for advice or comfort during times of transition. I enjoy helping others and genuinely care about them. I always try to do the best that I can to support and encourage them in whatever situation they may find themselves. Lately though, the shoe has been on the other foot and I find myself needing support and encouragement.
I know that the people in my life genuinely care about me, but I think that most of them don't really know how to handle me when I need them to be there for me. It's not "normal" for me to ask for help and when I do, I think I catch people off guard...here's why.

I honestly try to do what is right and I truly try to have nothing to hide...and most people don't know how to deal with that. I'm finding myself being told by several people that, because I don't' play the "politics" game at work, I am not going to ever get ahead. Because I try to be completely honest, I am often taken advantage of by others and I don't come across as a strong leader.

I've had to deal with those statements a lot recently...and they don't hurt any less coming from the people you love. So the question becomes...what do I do about it?

I'm going to remember the following...

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
I will love them anyway.

If I do good, people will accuse me of selfish ulterior motives.
I will do good anyway.

If I am successful, I will win false friends and true enemies.
I will succeed anyway.

The good that I do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
I will do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make me vulnerable.
I will be honest and frank anyway.

I know that the biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
I will think big anyway.

I realize that people favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
I will fight for the underdogs anyway.

What I spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
I will build anyway.

I will remember that people really do need help, but may attack me if I do help them.
I will help people anyway.

If I give the world the best I have, I may get kicked in the teeth.
I will give the world my best anyway.

I may not always succeed...but I'm going to keep on trying anyway.

unconditional...

Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'.

Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication:
unconditional dedication refers to an act of the will without regard to feelings (for example; a person may consider they have a duty to stay with a person);
unconditional love is an act of the feelings in spite of will.


Unconditional love of self is the concept of loving yourself regardless of external conditions. This includes not denying yourself or your feelings in favor of others. Ultimately, a person will have to move away from others who do not love them without condition. Unconditional love of self is considered the foundation for unconditional love. Once a person is able to love themself without condition then they will be able to love others without condition.

For many People this is not very easy to understand. Probably because people have used the term to demand more love from a person then possible for that person to give. And when the person in demand was unable to fulfill the expectations of the other they were accused of not loving without condition. This is a false definition. It is impossible to define unconditional self love or unconditional love when people put expectations on it that can ultimately end up in disappointment. Here's why:
1. "Loving is sharing and not demanding."
2."When two people argue, That is self love."

a modern day Rahab...

Rahab was a woman who demonstrated great faith, to the salvation of herself and her family. She sheltered God's people and risked her life to protect his spies in Caanan. She was so greatly blessed and shown favor by God, that she is named in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. Listed in his lineage, she is known simply as Rahab, the mother of Boaz who married Ruth. Yet how do we remember her today? What words inevitably and always follow her name as a constant reminder of the compromises she made?
In the story of Rahab, she is referred to over and over not by her name, but by her profession…as a prostitute. Why does the Lord give her grace, yet choose to remind us of that fact? Numbers 32:23 says "......be sure your sin will find you out". In God's eyes, being a prostitute is a sin, and even though Rahab was greatly blessed by God, she is first known as Rahab the prostitute.
I wonder, with the choices I have made...the positions I've willingly and to be honest, gladly placed my self into, how will I be remembered? What descriptors will follow my name??

I could spend the next several paragraphs listing the compromises that I have made over the last few months...but let me paraphrase. I've compromised every aspect of my life in some way.

I compromised my job to spend time with someone I love. I compromised my feelings to protect a way of life that I can never be a part of. I compromised my emotions and grief to be a leader to my campus. I compromised my integrity to a family who opened their arms to me. I compromised my character by believing that I would "take whatever I could get" from someone who loves me, but isn't ready to be with me. I compromised friendships by pushing them away so I wouldn't have to explain the other compromises that I've made. But most of all, I compromised my witness as a christian by choosing the stuff of earth over the allegiance I owe only to the giver of all good things.

As I look back on how I've chosen to live, I'm truly amazed,not at how much it has cost me, but at how much I was willing to pay for what I considered happiness. It certainly isn't what Christ had in mind when he died for me. I've spent the last several months ignoring what matters most, because I thought that living without the person I love would be too great a price to pay. It's the only price that I focused on. I thought that, to show unconditional love required me to compromise what I wanted or needed in order for it to be proven to the person to whom it is given. I was wrong.

When I finally reached the point of giving my decisions to God and praying to trust in his grace, I didn't find peace or release...I found the cross calling not for compromise, but for sacrifice. Unconditional love is more than just compromise... to accept it means dying to the things that most provide security and allow someone else to believe in you. It is the unconditional love of God for us that makes grace possible. It means accepting that I am human and faulty, yet loved beyond words...to the point of death... by the only one who matters. It means that the person I love is loved that way too...and not just by me. I know I'll never lose my life to save his soul...even though I'm willing to do so...but that has already been done. Unconditional love means that I completely and utterly release myself from compromise, and find my identity in the power of the cross. It is to accept that my sin will find me out...but that it will not define me. The love that I thought I had gained through compromise...what I thought I should do and what I thought I needed to prove, I now understand had to be lost to me.

Please don't think that I find this understanding easy...I truly know for the first time, what it is like to identify with the suffering that Christ endured for me. Yet, I know that in order to love and to truly accept the best life I can, the life Christ wants for me, I have to let go of my insecurities and hold tight to trust. I have to die to myself...which means I can no longer compromise. Christ's love will never ask more of me than I can give...that's not what love does; not even the unconditional kind.

Timing is everything and unconditional love never fails...it never goes away. For me to try to force it on someone who isn’t ready to accept it, isn't love at all...it's just one more opportunity for me to make that person's happiness a priority in my life to show them that I will do whatever is necessary to prove that they are loved...it's just one more opportunity to compromise.

...sacrifice of praise.

I was sure by now God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I am with you." And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.
I remember when I stumbled in the wind. You heard my cry to You, and raised me up again. My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on if I can't find You. And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I am with you". And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm. And I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, You hold in your hand. You never left my side, and though my heart is torn; I will praise you in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:2

honest to God...

Last week, I took several days to "recharge." I found a little cabin "in the woods" and locked myself away. I bought a GREAT book (The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning), sent my friends a text message to pray for me, and I turned off the phone for 2 days. I HIGHLY recommend the turning off the phone part....you might be amazed at how differently the world looks when you can actually take the time to see and listen to it.

Thanks in part to my self-imposed sabbatical, I know three things for sure...

1. God expects me to fail A WHOLE LOT MORE OFTEN than I expect to.

2. Forgiveness comes BEFORE repentance.

3. I need to be HONEST WITH MYSELF...and thereby honest with God,

Honesty requires the truthfulness to admit the attachments and addictions that control or attention, dominate our consciousness, and function as false gods. I can be addicted to vodka or to being nice, to marijuana or being loved, to cocaine or to being right, to gambling or to relationships, to golf or gossiping. Perhaps my addiction is food, performance, money, popularity, power, revenge, reading, television, tobacco, weight, or winning. When we give anything more priority than we give to God, we commit idolatry. Thus, we all commit idolatry several times a day.
Honesty involves the willingness to face the truth of who we are, regardless of how threatening or unpleasant our perceptions may be. This steady self-confrontation requires strength and courage. We cannot use failure as an excuse to quit trying.

Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us

from God, but draws us to him-as nothing else can-and opens us anew to the flow of grace. (Brennan Manning)

Honesty CANNOT separate us from the love of Christ...NOTHING can.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:38

In being honest with myself, I'm starting to see Dale through the eyes of God. It's a slow process down a long road, but I'm making progress. I am a child of God, beautiful and righteous in his sight, and he thinks I deserve a better life than I do. I already believe that God wants what's best for me...I don't doubt that at all. And to be honest, there are a lot of things in my life that aren't even remotely good - much less God's best - for me. I'm being honest about these things with myself, and God is helping me to see them clearly. I don't pray for strength or clarity anymore...I pray that I will trust God.

“Lord you took me out of Egypt, now take Egypt out of me.

You delivered me from Pharaoh, now deliver me from me.

Lord make of my heart a promised land where the desert used to be.

You took me out of Egypt, now take Egypt . . . out of me.”

...light.

It's been seven days today...seven days in darkness.

I spend most of my energy focused on others...praying for them, being strong for them, believing in them, loving them, encouraging them, and seeing them through the eyes of God. I am honored to pour out my life in that way...but today, I'm running on empty. I haven't taken the time to recharge in the last week, and I'm honestly not sure that I want to.
I'm tired. The place from which I draw my strength, has gone very silent. He hasn't abandoned me, he's stretching me. And when he pulls this hard, I close my eyes. My world suddenly becomes very dark. My faith becomes heavy and all encompassing...every minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile.

What do I want?
I want my friends back. I want the last seven days back. I want to stop crying. I want to sleep. I want to have an appetite. I want to believe in myself...I just don't know how. I want my friends to see themselves for who they really are, the way that I do... and I want them to be amazed. I want that for myself. I want to stop crying. I want people to stop calling me to tell me it's going to be OK. I know everything is going to be OK...I know that God is in control. I know that. I believe that. I just don't care right now. I want this to be over with. I want to move out of this place. I want want to smile again...on the inside. I want to stop crying.

What do I need?
I need a break. I need to be completely surprised by love. I need for Pat to tell me to suck it up and get over it...and then open a bottle of wine. I need to let it all out and just break down. I need to be held. I need for Susan to tell me it's OK..then I will believe it. I need to hold on to my faith. I need to trust my instincts. I need for Debbie to distract me with a story...I need to hear her voice. I need my friends to get over themselves and to FULLY live their lives. I need to get over myself. I need to feel whole again.

What can you do to help?
Honor their lives. Honor my love for you. (M)Hold on to my heart tightly...and be proud to wear it. Be strong for me. (J)Hold me accountable. Love my sister-in-law with all of your heart. (M)Realize that control does not identify you. Let go of the fear. (R)Make me get out of the house. Be nice to me. (S)Be honest with yourself and admit that you are in over your head. Don't make it about you. (S)Realize that you've given him two years of your life...and let him go. Call me when you think of me, even if I don't answer. (K)Know that she is protected and answering God's call. Make me laugh. (C)Take the job and believe that God will provide. Pray for me. (D)Let go of the job, the contract, and the lifestyle that you hate...just come home. (M)Stop being afraid. Just Believe. (M)Be strong for her. Teach her to ask for help. Cry with me. (K)Believe in yourself. Let us love you. (K)Stop waiting and take a stand. Surprise me.

Pray for me, that I will learn to be still in the darkness ...and in the stillness, find the light.

...walk me through this one.

I lost three very good friends today.

Susan kept me in line...Pat kept me in trouble...and Debbie kept me in stitches.

I love them very much...and I don't really know what to say.

These words are about loss...

Calling All Angels

by Jane Siberry

a friend is placed upon the steps, a baby cries...and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness, oh the heaviness settles in...somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it`s one foot, then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?

then it`s how long? and how far? and how many times before it`s too late?

calling all angels...calling all angels
walk me through this one...

don`t leave me alone

calling all angels...calling all angels
we`re cryin` and we`re hurtin`...and we`re not sure why...

and every day you gaze upon the sunset with such love and intensity
why it`s...it`s almost as if...if you could only crack the code then you`d finally understand what this all means

but if you could...do you think you would trade it in...all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you`d miss the beauty of the light upon this earth...

and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels...calling all angels
walk me through this one...

don`t leave me alone

callin` all angels...callin` all angels
...we`re tryin`

...we`re hopin`
...we`re hurtin`
...we`re lovin`
...we`re cryin`
...we`re callin`
...`cause we`re not sure how this goes

...what up dog?

I wasn’t a religious education major in college, but I remember taking a few bible courses. Some were required, others were optional, and one in particular was a choice. I can’t remember the name of the class…don’t know who took the class with me…not sure of the building or room number…and I’m not 100% on the professor’s name. But I will never forget an analogy she made one particular sunny afternoon. The discussion was focused on the spiritual warfare in our lives and our struggle to act on what God says is best for us and the effort involved. She explained that, while the easy choices are obvious and based on God’s word, others are not so clear cut. The difference comes in taking a stand either for or against God. When it came time to put the lecture into layman’s terms for those of us in the class not preparing for seminary…she got right to the point.

“Many times, every day, we are faced with choosing between right and wrong…good and bad…life and death…being faithful to God or ignoring his voice. Sometimes the choices are easy, and at other times they can require an uncomfortable amount of effort on our part. We can think about this effort as a battle between two German Shepherds, fighting to the death. As we watch them tear each other apart, the question of what choice we will make really becomes the question of which dog will win the fight?
And the answer is simple…the one that we feed the most.

The one that we feed the most. The good dog versus the bad dog. The choice to bless or curse.
We reap what we sow.

Envy, greed, sloth, pride…add the rest of the seven deadly sins to the list and you may begin to scratch the surface of which dog gets three square meals a day from me.
All too often, I find that I've been feeding the wrong dog. Do you?

Too many times I define my race by the hurdles rather than by the promise of success that lies ahead. Can you relate?

Too many times I make important decisions blindly, instead of praying for wisdom and instruction. Who among us hasn’t?

Too many times I avoid the door that God opens for me and instead, persist in trying to open one that I know has been closed for years. Sound familiar?

"I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, than take what you give that I need."

Rich Mullins

A precious friend came to me recently with a concern that was weighing heavy on her heart. To this person I am many things…a boss…a resource…an educator…and a brother in Christ. It’s that last label that I’m most thankful for. We began to talk about her concern and as I listened, I knew that I was called at that moment to throw aside all other titles and to be there for her as a Christian. She needed someone to help her see the big picture and she chose me. Me…the Christian pouring double scoops of “Kibbles and Bits” into the bowl of the wrong dog.

On this particular day, I hadn’t made too many wise choices myself. I was having a very hard day and I didn’t really want to talk to anyone at the time; much less someone who needed me to do something for them. I just wanted to spend the afternoon wallowing in self-pity and making a mental list of all of the “wrongs” done to me by people who should have known better. The evening would have followed with a large amount of self-doubt and self-degradation because if I were a better person, or at the very least more worthy, then I would have had a better day. Truth be told, I was not only feeding the wrong dog, I was serving prime rib!! And let’s just acknowledge that I’ve fed that dog for so long, if I tried to take away his food, I'd more than likely lose a limb. It would take an army to move that bowl from one cage to the other…good thing God an army at his disposal.

As I listened to my friend, I remembered that day, long ago at HPU, and I realized that I had a choice to make. I could tell her that she had the wrong guy, or I could take a minute and pull for the literal “underdog” in the fight for my spirit. She needed help that for some reason, God decided only I could give; and I thought that he must be out of his mind. So we sat together and joined hands to pray. But before the first word issued forth from my mouth, I said a quick prayer and asked the Father to completely remove me from the equation. I wanted to be faithful to both Him and the needs of my friend; even though I felt completely unworthy and ill-qualified. It’s amazing how quickly Christ works. I’m not sure what I prayed, but I know this to be true…the words spoken from my mouth were most definitely not from my mind. The Holy Spirit intervened and gave her the words that she needed to hear while allowing her heart to be touched by God.

How does this work? I haven’t the foggiest idea. What I do know is this…on that day;

I had to make a choice between life and death; her spirit or my selfishness. One of them had to die…and the decision was mine alone to make.

Was it an easy choice? Maybe not as easy as you think. The easy choice would have been to be left alone, pointing the finger at others and blaming myself for all the things that I thought must be going wrong with my life. Sounded like a perfectly good choice to me…but not to God. Did God choose for me to help her, or was it the other way around? I think the answer is both.

He knows me better than I know myself. And he loves me enough to remind me to feed the right dog as often as possible.

He believes in me even, when I don't want to believe in myself. He reminds me that someone is going to be fed today...and the choice is mine to make.

What about you?
Which dog are you feeding today?

Which cage have you been spending the most time in lately?
If it’s the wrong one…remember, God has experience in the bowl moving department.

...become what you believe.

I don't think about Satan very much. I guess I try to live my life focused on what God says and the result is that I don't give a lot of energy or effort to him. Now that doesn't mean that he leaves me alone...just the opposite. He constantly reminds me of what I think I can't do and he is a master at throwing fear in my face. I do think about fear. I try not to focus on it, but I don't believe that ignoring either Satan or my fears will make either of them go away. I do believe however, that what we focus on is ultimately what we achieve. Joyce Meyer believes the same thing.

"Fear is simply faith in what Satan says. We must remember that not only does God speak to us but Satan also speaks. He is a liar (See John 8:44), and when we believe his lies, we are deceived and the door is open for him to work in our lives. We open the door for God to work by placing faith in His Word, and we open the door for Satan to work by placing faith in his word. He places thoughts in our minds that are not true, but can become true for us if they are believed. If we are afraid we are not pleasing to God or people, we will manifest behavior that will actually make us displeasing. The same principle works with rejection. If we fear being rejected, we will often behave in a way that will cause people to reject us. " Joyce Meyer

In other words...we become what we believe! (Hebrews 9:29) I believe that is true more than anything. Too many times in my life I've listened to the world around me and let what it had to say define who I am. I struggled a for a long time trying to be someone other than who God made me. Even as a christian, I've let the voice of Satan determine my direction and decisions. And the more I let the world define my path, the more I believed what they had to say about me, the more I became that way.
Thank you God, that your voice of truth is louder than the world. Thank you Jesus for giving me the ability to hear it. Thank you Holy Spirit for reminding me to listen, even when I don't really want to.

I try to live my life by getting up every day, loving God, and doing my best....then letting him do the rest. I'm not always successful, but I know that God is not surprised by my inabilities, my imperfections, or my faults. And he's not surprised by yours either!!! He has always known everything about me and everything about you that you are just now finding out for yourself. He chose us on purpose... limitations and all...and equips us for the journey of our lives.

Just think—you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for Jesus to arrive on the scene for the finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Savior Jesus.

He will never give up on you.

Never forget that.

1 Corinthians 1: 7-9

It all boils down to what we choose to believe...what I choose to believe. Every day I can make the choice between listening to God or listening to Satan. I can believe what God says or what the world says. I can choose life or death...but either way, I'm choosing something. Even on days when I stand still and refuse to decide, I'm making a choice...and it's one of disobedience.(James 2: 14-26) I try to always make my choices according to what I believe.

When we face our fears, we can find our freedom. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free.” The word fear means to run away from. We don’t have to run from anything; we can confront all things in the power of the Holy Spirit. It is time for me to stop running away in fear and start running toward Christ in faith. What about you? We will all stand before God one day, and as Christians, we will be dealt with, not according to our good deeds, or our choice of careers...but according to our faith. On that day, I want to hear the words, "Well Done." And I won't hear them because I was afraid...I will hear them because I chose to believe that I am who he says I am.

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...just do it!

Shane is buying a house. He has lived in Houston for nine years and has managed to pay way too much rent for way too long. After several days of contemplating and changing his mind over and over again, he has decided to go for it. He found the one he wants, his offer has been accepted, and the financing details are finally complete. He's taking a chance and making a play at being a grown up.

Dave is going to college. He has been in Detroit for six months and has 18 more to go before his contract expires and he is able to leave that God-forsaken city. With one degree in Nursing and several years as an executive here in Austin, he moved there to become an Executive Vice President for a very successful company. Now he questions the decision to leave family and friends. When he moved, he had to leave his pursuit of a Theatre degree at St. Edward's. He's decided to take classes at one of the local universities there and continue his dream of becoming an actor.

Megan is settling down. After a year hiatus from her ex-boyfriend, she has decided to look beyond her doubts and take a chance on love. She's been on her own for a while now and although she has grown a lot personally, she hasn't been able to find the things that she thought she was missing when she was with Tom. In fact, she has realized that being with him, creating a family, and letting go of the control that drives her every decision, is what she needed to do a long time ago. She's finding herself choosing happiness over doubt.

I'm amazed by my friends...but even more amazed at what God has taught me through them. You see, I don't know much, but I know this...God doesn't change his mind. If you believe that he is calling you to do something today... if you know that it's the right thing to do...if you are completely honest with yourself...and if you seek him with a believing heart, then you can believe that he will call you to do the same thing until it's done; and he will be right beside you all the way. He doesn't change his mind...and he doesn't try to confuse you with "what if" or "it's too hard"...that's your fear talking, not him.

So, how do you know when the time is right to move on a decision?

What assurance do you have that the choice you make will be the right one?

I think the answer to both questions is a simple one...you don't.

You don't let your mind over analyze your dreams and keep you from pursuing them.

You don't let your heart hold you back from what God says is right and good for you.

You don't let the past, your fears, possible consequences, or even impossible odds keep you frozen in place.

You just start moving and focus on what's ahead.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.

I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Philippians 3: 12-14

...read my mind.

I'm not sure what to say or how to say it...

I'm still here...and it's not too late. I don't know what you're thinking, but I know what I believe. I believe in you. I believe you want more. I believe that you know that you can call anytime, day or night...and I pray that you will. I believe that the past is the past and all we are given is today and the promise of the future. I believe that I want to call you more than you can possibly imagine...but I love you too much to get in your way. I believe that God is working in you to help you do what is right. I believe that he will give you everything that you need if you will let him. I believe that you are tired and that you know you don't have to be. I believe that you can let go and just believe in yourself. I believe 1 Corinthians 13. I believe in faith, love, and blind hope. I believe that I love you more than ever...and I believe that you believe that.

Read my mind...and believe it.

friends are friends forever...

I think I've made a semi-major discovery tonight. The difference between friends and acquaintances lies in the ability to say "no".

A friend of mine recently broke-up with her boyfriend of 6 months. It wasn't particularly a surprise to most of us, but anytime a relationship ends, it is sure to be followed with some "alone" time needed by one or both parties.

When we were discussing how she was handling the breakup, she mentioned that she had spoken to one of our friends. She told this person that, while she appreciated the support she would get, she needed a few days to collect her thoughts and process what was happening. Our friend responded to her request with several text messages questioning why she couldn't spend time with friends right now. She also added that, if my friend was going to be alone, she would "miss out" on several upcoming gatherings and that she would probably regret it later.

My friend explained that she appreciated the fact that she could call me anytime, that I would always be there for her, and that I respected her request to be left alone for a few days. She knows that when she sends me a text about grabbing a drink or an upcoming happy hour, I will do my best to make it. If I can't, she doesn't worry about why I'm unavailable or whether or not we will see each other again. Our friendship is not based on compliance to her requests, but rather on the security that we like each other for who we are and we respect each other's lives. I can tell her "no" as many times as I need to and she will not take it personally...our friendship is deeper than that. I am allowed to have my own opinion...and with her, it counts for something. I cannot only be myself with her and not be afraid about it...it is encouraged and supported.

Tonight I was at a party with a group of friends whom I have known for just over 3 years. A couple of them asked about what had happened with Mike. I told them that I had stepped away from him for now so that he could do what he needed to do for himself. I asked that they be supportive of him as they were friends to both of us. Both Mike and I need to be supported in different ways...but I asked them to not focus on me and instead spend the time with him. I did this because I know that they love me and will be there when I call. They don't need to be informed of every detail, or even feel like they are key players in the drama of my life. They love me for who I am...and they will always be there to support me when I need them. They know that when I ask for something of them...I don't do so lightly. They love me and respect who I am...more than their need for attention.

That's when it hit me...the difference between friends and acquaintances.

I have a couple of people in my life who won't take "no" for an answer. They aren't bad people...they just don't genuinely love or care about me. They don't really listen to anything that I have to say and they certainly don't put any thought into how I'm feeling...unless they can somehow manipulate it to their advantage. When I'm talking, instead of listening, they spend their time trying to figure out how to spin the conversation back toward them. They become upset when they aren't the focus of my every free moment, and they become vicious when I don't keep them informed and involved in the details of my life. They do everything that they can to control my answers, guide my direction, and give themselves credit in every decision that I make. They have a "knack" for making everything that I say become about them. They are associated with me because of what I can give to them or what I can do to make them feel good about themselves...regardless what it costs me. I have to ask myself, "how did I ever drown in someone so shallow?"

These people are acquaintances...and I'm cutting them lose.

a letter from Paul...

Dear Dale,

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help. Each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don't eat, you're no longer a companion with them in love, are you?

Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.

Love, Paul

Romans 14

Shana,

Thank you for reminding me of the truth.

I love you.

Dale

...hard choices.

Today I'm writing and putting it all out there...no apologies.

I've spent the last week in limbo waiting for someone to tell me that they are ready to take a chance with me...to give me a chance to love them. It hasn't happened. One day it seems to be yes, the next it's maybe, the next it's no...and I won't live with that any longer.

See, yesterday I kept him in constant prayer because he asked me to. After a week of contemplation and prayer, he knew what he needed to do and was going to do it yesterday. So I kept him before God in prayer and asked a few very close friends to do the same. They don't know him or his situation, but I explained that I had "a friend" who was in a very difficult place and needed to confront some things. They prayed with me and we all prayed without ceasing for him.

He needed to confront some things that are holding him back...but he didn't. In fact told me today that he realized that he just couldn't do it and that I should stay away from him. I asked him why. He told me that something came up yesterday and he wasn't able to do what he needed to do...so that must be God saying to stay were he is, even though he doesn't really believe that's what God wants and that it's wrong. He said he couldn't explain but that he loved me (using different words) and that I deserved better. He told me that I'll always be waiting for him and even though the situation is dysfunctional, it's just easier if he stays where he is.

That's bullshit. It's ridiculous, cowardly, and somehow extremely selfish.

Any other man would have punched him or at the very least broken something...but I know he didn't mean it. If I thought he meant it, I could walk away and lick my wounds, and start to heal. Problem is, he doesn't. I know he wants to trust me, because he can't look me in the eyes and tell me otherwise. He's had every opportunity to tell me to go, but he won't...because when he says something, he stands behind it. He just thinks that if he can just send me away, it will be easier for everyone. The problem is...he's wrong. That's not it at all.

You see, I understand him. He keeps me at arms length because he somehow believes in that warped mind of his that he isn't good enough for me...that he isn't worthy of love. When he says that I deserve better...he's right.

I deserve someone who loves himself and can stand up for what is right and good. The person that he's trying to become.

I deserve a friend who can trust the man I am, shortcomings and all, accept everything that I have to offer and cherish my heart for no other reason than it belongs to him. The friend that he's desiring to become.

I deserve a man who can stand proudly beside me, hold my hand, and believe that through faith and love, all things are possible. The man that he's starting to become.

My love for him doesn't change...especially when I know and believe that he's making a mistake. If it did, it wouldn't be love. If I thought for one second that he didn't love me, I would walk away and never look back.

So I told him that I wouldn't contact him, read his blog, or spend any more time trying to figure out how to help him...I would stop trying to convince him...but I wouldn't stop loving him. That's not how love works....not for me anyway.

If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. That's the example he sets for us. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love... may be infatuation. I think a lot of people are infatuated with God, but they don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them...and they do the same thing with the people around them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world... it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation. It's like everything else that is really wonderful, really true...there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt.


I believe that someday very soon, he will learn that love is stronger than fear. He will understand that God is stronger than anything and he gives us the desires of our heart if we just ask for them and believe. I'm not putting on any pressure and I'm not putting up with being kept on a short leash because of his fear. My focus is on me and I'll keep lifting him up in prayer. I just believe that God's will is stronger than our own if we let it be...and when he figures that out for himself, all he has to do is call.